This one fucking hot russian guard / Enzo

〚You are a good person〛

There's one thing, that bothers me about memories. Because that's exactly what they are. Memories.
You think back to something, that has already happened and you can't experience it again.
On top of that, you usually regret not having fully savored these moments.

Because you're never really aware, when you're in situations, that you'll remember for the rest of your life.

In fact, in my life too, there are good memories and not just bad ones. There are more bad ones, but also good ones, that keep me going.

For example, when me and El celebrated Christmas, at the Bayers for the first time. Both of us, together with Will, had brought a pile of snow into the house and spread it on the stairs. After that, we always slid down with a plastic slide and crashed into the sofa.

While there was some hassle and we were supposed to bring the snow back outside, we were sure it was worth it.

But then, there were the bad memories. The one, where a lot of our friends died, just because of us, just because we got them involved.
And that was always a mistake, that I don't want to make again.

These human lives, are too valuable to be afraid. To know what terrible creatures there are. Or people who have nothing good in their heads.
You should enjoy your life to the fullest.

I sighed and wiped my forehead. The days that, I was supposed to rest, went by far too quickly, and I didn't really rest.
Although I can stand again, without thinking that someone is about, to switch off the light in my head, everything still hurts.

Just as one of those snowmobiles drove past me, an idea flashed in my head. If we had one available, when we broke out, we would definitely get out of here faster, without anyone being able to run after us.

My gaze flew to the forest, that surrounded us and to the point behind the railroad cars and behind the hill. Behind it, from here, one could no longer shoot at us.

So if we could sneak in there, then we could drive away in one of these vehicles.
After that, we would need a hideout, where Enzo's pilot will pick us up and bring us back home.

We might need a diversion or something else, but anyway, I've found part of the plan.

⚕

"There you are." I sighed when Enzo finally came in the middle of the night. "You really took your time, man." I waited, what felt like an eternity and kept thinking about the plan.

"Did you miss me so much, little American?" he asked, laughing softly.
I didn't answer and went straight to the table, where he had already thrown the card.

"I've got a piece of a plan," I said, spreading the paper out, across the table. "Really?" he asked, standing next to me, turning his gun on his back.

"Yes, I think so. So, here we are for the day." I took the pen and made a cross, where we are working.
I told the Russian guard the whole plan and we improved it and added things.

We didn't know, if it would work, but we can't take the risk of not trying.
As I said, something always went wrong with our previous plans, but afterwards we managed it anyway. So we imagined all the possible scenarios, that could happen and came up, with a plan B.

"The plan is good, it could work, if you go through with it.", he said and meanwhile sat on the chair and had put the gun and the hat on the table.

"So you think, I don't have the guts to knock out or even kill someone?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'll be honest. No, I don't think so," he admitted. He was honest and therefore didn't know, what he was saying. And that's also clear, he doesn't know me a bit. He doesn't know anything about my life.

"Then you are sorely mistaken. I have more blood on my hands, than all of you put together. Believe me," I said, thinking about all the empty eyes, staring at me, after they fell to the ground screaming.

"I don't think so either.", he admitted again and shook his head. "You couldn't."

"Why? Because I... how did you say that? Because I'm weak, small and a woman?" I asked, whereupon he nodded and took a cigarette, out of his jacket pocket.

"That's pretty mean, you know that?" I looked at him mockingly hurt and put my hand on the spot, where my heart is. "I've done a lot of horrible things, that I don't want to admit to myself, you know?" I replied, getting serious.

"There were these innocent people, I needed to hurt and then there were the bad people, I wanted to hurt." I looked him straight in the eyes, while he paused and considered my words.

I've seen more, than is good for two eyes. But no problem, I'm used to watching people, watch their lives fly by and break one by one, because of me.

I've made countless mistakes and hated myself for them forever.
But it is said, that the mistakes we make, do not determine who we are.

It's the way we deal with our mistakes. Our acknowledgment that what we did was wrong.

"I've made many, too many mistakes and wrong decisions, that I would like to undo....", sighed and yawned briefly.

"But the mistakes make you. It makes the future.", he finally said and got up. "If you hadn't done that, you probably wouldn't have met your friends, or you wouldn't be here with the American and...me.", he said and stood in front of me.

"I've also made countless mistakes, everyone does. But mistakes don't make a good person bad, just like a few good deeds don't make a bad person good." The moment he said that he sounded wise and seemed half lost in thought. He chose his words carefully and his voice was calm.

But his words were true. Everyone makes mistakes, whether good people make them or bad ones. It's the fact of how you deal with it and the thought of not doing it again or wanting to do it better next time.

"The way you said that, about having to hurt good people, it sounds like you were forced, like you don't want that. So it's not your fault, it's someone else's."

"You're missing the point, by saying I wanted to hurt bad people," I reminded him, grumbling.

"They must have been pretty bad then. So bad, that a little American girl, could do quite a bit of damage," he laughed, making me smile, lightening the mood.

"Yeah, I guess I got a little angry then." I mumbled, grinning. "They wanted to hurt my family. And I would do anything for them." I explained quietly and looked past Enzo.

"I would do anything for mine too." He murmured and nodded. "So you have children? And a wife?" I asked, slightly shocked.
Something tightened inside me, as I thought of a couple of kids and a wife. His children, from his wife. After all, he wanted to kiss me and is so good to me, all the time.

"I have a son. No more wife, she left. And I don't have a girlfriend either," he told me.

I think, here in this place, you couldn't just talk about something like that. After all, this job puts the whole family at risk.

But I was glad he didn't have a wife or a girlfriend. I didn't know why, but it was good to know, that I hadn't made a mistake or was about to make one again. Because I don't want to be responsible, for breaking up a family.

"But what I'm saying is, I think you're a good person and that you did everything, for a good reason. I don't know you to really judge. Nor do I know, what you and your father are up to with Hawkins thing to do. And you don't have to tell me, because I think it's good what happened. They didn't have any good plans, I know that much and you prevented it." Enzo said and smiled.

-------------------
the next chapter is longer;) I have already prescribed it. But have a lot to do at the moment. Especially since I ride motocross and the season is almost over. I've been there for 2 years now and hate it when the snow comes and I can't drive anymore.