Hiraeth

Your head is bleeding

Two weeks.

It took two fucking weeks for the bruises around my eye to heal.

Two weeks for people to stop giving me odd looks in the corridor, stopping me to ask if I was ok, and I gave them the same bullshit excuse every single time "Oh yeah, got a bludger to the face!" I would say with a fake laugh "Would you believe this is after Madam Pomfrey's healing?!" That was enough for most people, who would laugh with me and then walk off, getting on with their day, feeling like a good fucking person becuase they asked the bruised girl if she was ok.

I did say most people however. There were five people in the school that didn't quite have the same reaction. Four of them were the motherfucking Marauders.  For two weeks, they would give me worried glances from across the great hall, or the library, or whatever room we happened to be in at the same time. They would ask me every lesson that I sat next to them in if I was ok. Of course I gave them the same excuse, but I could tell they didn't believe me. Oh well, nothing I do should concern them. It never has before so why would this year be different?

The fifth person? That would be my boyfriend William Hare. He knew full well what happened to my face, and didn't feel the need to ask me if I was ok, so I never told him. I never have before so why would it be different this time?

"Scott?" A whiney voice gets me out of my own head "Oi Scott, have you been listening to anything I've said in the past half hour?"

"Why would I?" I snap. I know it's rude, but he's been getting on my nerves all term "You clearly love the sound of your own voice so why do you need an audience?"

I don't think he was expecting that, becuase Black actually looks sad. Like my words have genuinely hurt him, but I can't understand why. He's never cared about me before. "You're mean..." Is all he whispers, so quietly I almost don't hear him as he looks back down at his textbook on the table.

"Yeah, well I've earned the right to be a bit mean." I answer honestly for probably first time ever when speaking to him, regretting it almost immediately becuase I just know it will lead to more questions.

But...to my surprise, he doesn't press it. He just looks at me with the same sad eyes, saying "We all have reasons to be mean, some of us are better at not hiding behind them"

We sit in silence for the rest of the lesson.

~

"Black...Black slow the fuck down!" I yell down the corridor as he basically sprints out the classroom. Merlin will he just slow down

Spinning on his heel he looks at me like I'm the last person he wants to talk to...valid, but annoying.

"What do you want? I really don't have time for this Scott"

"Look" I start, realising now I don't really have anything to say to him. He hates me, and he knows my feeling about him "I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm a bitch. And you're right about me hiding behind my past... I just want you to know I'm trying Sirius. I'm trying so fucking hard to be better."

Nodding his head at me while I can feel my face burning up from embarrassment. What is wrong with me? Why have I said that to him "Its okay Felicity... I'm sorry for being mean" is all he says before he turns back around, basically sprinting down the corridor to get away from me.

~

"Let's ditch" I tell Will, walking out of potions next to him, not being able to even bear the thought of sitting next to another one of them and their worried glances, and soft words. I just don't want to!

I mean fucking hell why do I have to.  All day every day 'Are you okay?' 'Do you need to talk about anything' 'Are you sure you're okay'

Like Merlin, I've said I am just drop it!