Nobody Cares.

People hurt me. I hurt myself. Nobody cares for me, nobody wants to know me. I'm different you see, I have no Mum, no Dad. They both died when I was young. I was put into a children's home. People always used to walk into my room without knocking or anything. I have anger issues and I lash out at the smallest of things. People don't understand though - nobody does. Only three people know and I hate them. I hate everyone. Nobody ever wants to speak to me.

When I was three my Mum and Dad went out for the night. They were young parents - they had me when my Mum was 15 and my Dad was 17. They never got married but they would always be in their room together. They didn't want a kid - not at that age, but they did and I wish they hadn't. One night, they went out. I don't know where they went or what they did, the social worker told me they were drunk and had a car accident but I don't think that's the whole story. I remember them leaving with bags and bags of things, looking back at it they must of been planning going away for ages. They left me alone in pitch black. I can't remember very clearly but I do remember one thing - the woman that lived next door knocked on the door. I was scared so I hid in the cupboard. Nobody was answering the door - she was the person that saved my life and I wish she hadn't. I wish she left me there to die. She broke the window and climbed in. She found me and grabbed my up - she ran out the house. That's all I remember. She must of been told something, I don't know what. I sometimes sit on my own and wonder if my parents think about me weather they're alive or not.

I had a brother too. He died before he was born though. I didn't know until I was 6. Nobody told me. I wish they still hadn't to be honest. I hate life, I don't see why other people have to interupt with it. It's my life not theirs - what has it got to do with them? The Children's Home I was put in was horrible - all the people in there were so annoying! They would always be blaming things on you - sometimes I'm glad my brother died, I wouldn't of had another person to argue with. I was always in fights at school - I always made them and got involved with them. I had no friends, I hated everyone. I didn't try to be friendly, there was no point in friends - they'd only hurt you and drop you down as if you way 100 tons. I do anyway, the social workers say I one of the thinest kids there but I'm not - I'm fat. Everyone always says they want my figure but they don't. I look more like an Ogre than a model.

I know I said I hate everyone but you couldn't say you hate people you haven't met? Well, I haven't met One Direction. I love them - I want to marry them, all of them. They're the only people who cares. But they don't count, they don't know me. I wish they did. When I cut myself I write their names, I always write it in a certain order though - Harry, Louis, Liam, Niall, Zayn. I see my name in it - if i write them with certain parts over lapping and certain parts joing up etc you can see the name "Tori". I don't know why I cut myself - I guess the pain hides the worse pain that's in my heart. Love, Hate, Like, Unlike. I'm hate - hate hurts alot. I started cutting when I was 10. I'm now 17.

I never wear short sleave tops or at least not without a jacket. People always ask me am I not hot. I'm never hot, I always seem to be cold. Cold and dark. I am quite misterious, sometimes I don't even know who I am. I guess that's because people are always told they look like they're parents. Not me, I don't want too either. I want to meet them one day - I don't know if they're alive or not though. I just want to ask them why they left me alone, in a dark house. Why my Mum didn't have an aborsion, why she went through with having me even though she didn't want to. I want to meet my Grandparents I want a real life with real people.

When I was 9 I died my hair purple, I've been with many colours purple, green, blue, terqoise, back and now Red. That way, people don't tend to see me as much, they tend to just look at my hair. I don't have to speak to them if they don't notice my mind - they notice me but not my thoughts. That's how I like it - I don't like sharing so I don't see why I should have to share conversation.

I just want to be normal. Have a Mum and a Dad who care. Not have the issues I do and just live a normal life.