A six letter word I'll never forget

3

Drew closed the door behind him as he walked into his room. What a day, he sighed, throwing his backpack onto the floor and sitting down onto his bed. Drew wasn't sure how to feel. On one hand, he was happy for Jake. He was happy Jake was happy. But... on the other hand, he really, really missed Jake. And it felt like he was never going to come back. He has new friends, after all. Drew didn't want to lose Jake permanently, but the way things were going it seemed like he was going to. Drew hated the thought of that. Jake was his closest friend. Drew cared about him more than anything. He wanted to keep Jake and tell other people to fuck off. To have him here with him right now- but, he couldn't do that. Jake was right, he had a life and feelings and Drew couldn't overlook that. Jake deserved happiness. How had Jake described Drew's behaviour? "You're toxic, and controlling, and obsessive," is what Jake had said. Obsessive? Drew thought. I was obsessive? What does that- what does that imply... Drew pulled out his phone and did some research. Maybe he could figure out exactly what he'd been doing? Drew, honestly, didn't really know himself. He never really thought about it until Jake had told him what he was like to his face.

Holy shit. Hoooly shit. Drew thought after doing research on toxic and controlling relationships. I was terrible. Holy shit I treated him so badly. I isolated and manipulated him. Why did I do that- what- why- why... Was I afraid of losing him? I... I am afraid of losing him. I want him with me more than anything. What does that mean- well it means I'm obsessive, I guess. Fuck- Jake was right. About everything. I really need to apologise- but what if I hurt him again? But I don't want to lose him. I want- no- wait- no that's not supposed to be important. Drew, stop being like this. Drew fell backward onto his bed, his legs still hanging off from the side. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to feel. He didn't know how he should feel, or how he actually feels. All he knew was that he couldn't be a dick to Jake again. He did really feel bad for that. He never wanted to hurt him- that was the last thing he had wanted to do. Fuck, my one goal was to not lose him, and the one thing I did was push him away. Zoey's fucking cheating on me, Liam and Henery are closer than I'll ever be with anyone, Lia is Zoey's best friend, when are my parents every around, and now I've lost Jake. God damnit, Drew, why are you like this? Drew sighed. He figured he deserved it, since he did force Jake to leave his friends which, accidentally, left Jake with no friends either. At least he's got them again, Drew thought. I should- focus on being happy for Jake. I should go to his concert and be happy for him. Yeah. That's what a good friend would do. And uh, I'm trying to get there. Drew smiled slightly. He really would love to have Jake again. But, he figured that if that never happened, maybe one day he could learn to be okay with that. Maybe. He hoped.

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Thursday flew by. Drew found himself at the music room in between classes, at lunch, and during his free period. It was honestly really good music. Daisy stopped by occasionally, too. She wouldn't say anything, simply sit down next to him and listen. She went in sometimes to complement them. Although beforehand she'd always ask Drew if he wanted her to say anything for him. It was nice of her. Drew didn't hear the Club talk much- specifically Jake. He tended to be quiet, even when Daisy would walk in. It was weird, to say the least. Jake was normally very loud. But, even though Drew didn't hear Jake talk much, he could hear his passion and love for singing every time they practised. Guilt weighed heavily in Drew's stomach. He almost took that from him.

The rest of his day was pretty boring- he didn't really talk to anyone, forgot to eat lunch, and turned in his extra work that he did while trying to distract himself from everything. He was a lot more... Okay, for lack of a better word, today than he was yesterday. I guess helping Jake made me feel better, Drew smiled a bit at the thought. Maybe he wasn't as bad as he thought he was.

Friday finally came along. Thursday was a long day, but the 8 hours of school on Friday were even longer. Drew was awaiting the competition, and he could feel the rest of the school was too. Anxiety and excitement radiated out of the Music Club members. Drew did his best to not talk to them, he didn't want to ruin their day or anything. From what Drew picked up, the teachers didn't care that the Club had missed a day yesterday, and Mrs. Jones even let them out of her class so they could practise more. To be fair, they didn't miss much. The last school bell rang and he could feel the mood shift. Some were relieved, some excited, and some- particularly the Music Club members- were nervous. An idea popped into Drew's head as he closed his locker. He should- probably wish the club good luck. He didn't want to talk to Jake, but... Well okay, that was a lie. He did want to talk to Jake. Really, really badly. But he knew that it wouldn't help Jake at all, so he decided he was going to try and catch Hailey and wish the Club good luck through her. Drew made his way toward the Music room and saw the Club inside, seemingly waiting for Jake. Drew snorted in amusement, to be expected- Jake has a bad habit of being late. Drew pushed the door slightly more open than it already was, knocking on it in the process.

"Who is it?" Zander called, turning to face the door.

Drew poked his head into the door and slid into the room. To his surprise, no one shooed him out or tried to get him to leave. They just kind of stared at him, seemingly not sure what to say.

"Um, hello Drew, do you need something?" Hailey asked after a moment.

"Yeah- I wanted to wish you all... good luck, at the competition tonight." He muttered awkwardly.

The Club just stared at him; some surprised, some amused, some awkward.

"What's with the long faces?"

Milly laughed, "sorry! I'm just not used to you, actually being nice to us!"

"It's weird seeing you not being a pimped up asshole," Zander stated flatly.

Hailey stepped in front of her brother- "what they're trying to say is it's just a little weird having you come in here to tell us that."
Drew scratched the back of his neck, "yeah- well, you all looked stressed, and I figured the least i could do was wish you good luck. I know this is pretty big for you guys, so..."

Hailey smiled a bit, "well, we appreciate it."

Zander glared at her.

"-I appreciate it. oh! Do you want us to tell Jake you were here?"

Yes. yes I do. I want him to not think I'm an asshole. Drew shrugged, "whatever you think is best."

Hailey nodded, "I'm assuming we'll be seeing you there?"

"Yeah, I'll be in the audience."

"Well, come tell us what you thought after the competition's over."

Drew blinked in shock. Zander eyed Hailey, "WHAT?!"

Hailey ignored him. "See you, Drew."

Drew blinked a couple of times before nodding, "Right, yeah. uh- Good luck, again."

Drew caught Hailey's smile as he left the room.

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