poems by me 💌

weird thoughts

I've been having this weird thoughts lately.
I'm feeling like everyone is going away from me, i know it's not true,  everyone has their lives and things to do, and i need to be more aware of myself and not relying in others, but i can't help doing it when i have this constant fear of abandonment. I blame this on ex lovers, ex friends, ex versions of people i thought i knew but they only showed themselves when they left me, when they told me they loved me only to disapear in a week, leaving me alone, blaming myself thinking what did i do wrong to make them go away. I'm so sick of this.
I know these thoughts eventually will go away, but today i feel sad (yesterday too)  ... to be honest i've been sad since my birthday,  not feeling abandoned, just sad. I think i don't fit here anymore, here or nowhere, i feel lost almost all the time, (well maybe not all the  time, i have my comfort place, comfort people) but sometimes i feel like a burden to all, i think i think a lot, maybe that's why i feel like this because i overthink everything, it is exhausting to the point i can't breathe anymore, i just need to breathe, to be calm and safe.
I feel like i just put a lot  of nosense phrases together but i think it's a perfect example of how is my brain working this week, a complete madhouse.