in the ataraxis of aftermath

firuta nashi station

It became a thing, somehow. It would be Naoko's turn one day, to take them both somewhere on the train, and the next, that job would be Keyla's, steadfastly taking them somewhere, in her miraculous, unaffected dinghy.

That day, it was Naoko's. The place they were headed wasn't anywhere special. Not really, anyway. Just a sheltered subset of the suburbs, not particularly interesting but good for raiding (raiding! How barbaric! If only Naoko's mother could see her now). Naoko had decidedly stopped caring about how interesting the sites she picked were. Keyla seemed to enjoy them all regardless.

Even now, Keyla was pressing her cheek to the window (not advisable - most of the glass was cracked or shredded to a dangerous degree of sharpness) for a better glimpse of the same old view. She kneeling on the seat beside Naoko's, occasionally gasping and pointing out whatever had most recently caught her eye.

It was kind of admirable, Naoko thought, watching Keyla as she squished her nose against the window, eyes wide and mouth moving a mile a minute. Keyla always seemed so happy, like each day she was viewing the world with fresh eyes.

Naoko appreciated that. It was... different. A pleasant change.

Keyla turned to look at her, grinning, and suddenly Naoko felt uncomfortably warm under her gaze. She looked at the backpack in her lap and tried to focus on cooling down.

---

"It's really nice here!" Keyla insisted, for the third time.

It's really not, Naoko thought.

"It's really not," she said.

There was a small stutter of silence and Naoko felt all of the blood drain from her face, then rush back in a flood of crimson and heat. Her lips wobbled fruitlessly, an apology forming itself on her tongue, but Keyla just burst out laughing, clear and loud.

"Finally!" The other girl chuckled.

"Finally?" Naoko asked, face still uncomfortably warm.

"You finally spoke what's really on your mind!" Keyla flashed her teeth at Naoko. "I'm so glad!"

Naoko felt her face scrunched up, bitter.

"What does that mean?" She said, before the confidence ebbed out of her reach again.

"It means you get this look," Keyla's squinted and crinkled her nose (an imitation? Of Naoko? It looked strange. Not quite like her at all). "When you have something on your mind but you don't want to say it. You say something else instead, but I know you're just being polite!"

Keyla raised her hand, like it was some triumph to tell minor deception from truth.

And maybe it was, Naoko thought, feeling herself wilt as she tried to imagine what it must have looked like to the other girl.

"I'm sorry," Naoko said, on reflex, bowing her head.

"Sorry?" Keyla blinked, seeming almost affronted. "Why are you sorry?"

Because it was rude, Naoko thought. Because I hurt your feelings, because I wasn't honest. Because of... everything.

"I don't know," She said.

"Well, don't be sorry!" The other girl seemed only ever so slightly fazed by this response. "I like it! It's fun!"

Keyla smiled and Naoko looked away, pulling her mask up over her curling lips.