The Soldier and The Spy: Jay Halstead - Episode 1

Chapter 2

Present Day

Today had been long.

All Jay wanted was to finish this case, arrest the Russian mobsters selling illegal firearms then go home and crash. He'd had a shitty sleep the night before and had woken at dawn to head to the gym, hoping a few rounds with the punching bag would relieve his tension. And it had. Until he'd gotten to work and it all came flooding back, the same way it had every day for the last three weeks. Probably because work was the source of his tension. Three weeks ago his doctor had finally given the all-clear for him to return to active duty after Angela Nelson had shot and nearly killed him almost two months before; he didn't blame her for it, and though he'd never say it out loud sometimes he wished she had. He was still dealing with his guilt over what had happened with her husband Marcus West, the innocent man he'd let die, let Voight frame so he could protect him. He'd thought he could make up for it by taking care of his family but he should have known it would blow up in his face.

What didn't?

He suppressed a sigh and briefly flicked his eyes to Kevin, whose presence in the passenger seat still threw him. He liked the man, working with him was always a good time, Jay just wasn't used to being his partner. Neither was Kev, but then they weren't the only ones making adjustments.

After he'd been released from the hospital he'd been on bed rest for a little over a week, which would have been longer if he hadn't managed to convince Will to tell Voight he was fit for desk duty. So long as he stayed at the desk his brother had stressed and Voight had watched like a hawk to make sure he listened, as had Hailey, though she'd kept her distance. She had ever since he'd been shot and her brief time away with the Feds hadn't helped, but he knew that things had really changed between them after that moment in his hospital room, the day he was discharged. He'd known what she was going to say, knew because he felt the same but she had pulled back and he had let her. Jay didn't want to go down that road, not after Erin. And especially not after Tess.

Fuck.

He should not have thought about Tess. Her face flashed through his mind and his heart started to ache.

God he missed her.

It had been five years since he'd seen her. Five years, three months and seventeen days, not that he was counting. She'd found him at Ben Corson's grave after Lonnie Rodiger's father had confessed to murdering his son for his crimes, and to stop him from committing them again, and that was the last time Jay had seen her. A couple months later he and Mouse had gotten a text from her, coordinates that led to the park near her aunt's apartment, to their favourite tree and the small plaque now beneath it.

A memorial.

That was when they'd found out Lydia had been murdered. The police report said it had been a car accident but they knew better. Thinking about it still hurt; she had become a like second mother to him, and to Greg, and losing her had left a hole in both their lives. And then they'd lost Tess too. She was still alive, he knew because he'd gotten a Kit-Kat from her after he'd been shot, but she'd left. He didn't know where, didn't know what she was doing but he knew why. There was only one reason that made sense.

She'd been compromised. Someone must have come looking for her and found Lydia instead. It was agency protocol when an operative was compromised to kill their civilian identity, to all but erase them but as far as Mouse had been able to tell that hadn't happened. Whatever she'd done, whatever she was doing, she was still Tess Danvers. Whether or not she was still his Tess he didn't know, but he didn't care. He was still hers. It didn't matter that she'd left, that technically they hadn't even been together at the end, that he'd been with other people since her. There wasn't anything that could stop him from loving her. And he knew she hadn't stopped loving him, not entirely anyway because she was still looking out for him. Every time in the last five years that he'd been hurt or in trouble a few days later he would get a Kit-Kat in the mail. Nothing else, no letter, certainly no return address, but it was enough. She was alive and she cared and one day... maybe one day she'd come home. But until then he lived his life like she was gone because that was the only way he got through the day.

Still Jay had learned that just because she wasn't actively in his life didn't mean he could ignore the part she played in it. He'd tried that with Erin, the other woman he'd loved and lost. And hurt. He'd hurt Erin when he ended things between them, when he wasn't honest about his past. He'd kept so much from her, Abby, Tess, his time with the Rangers, his family, thinking that if he didn't talk about them they would never have to be a part of their relationship. And they hadn't been. It just turned out that that was what broke them. He wouldn't go through that again, and he certainly wouldn't put Hailey through it.

Which was why he was glad it was Kevin in the seat next to him. It gave him the space he needed and allowed him to focus on the job, which was probably what Voight had intended when he put them together.

When Vanessa had joined their unit Hailey had been partnered with her to help guide the new detective in her transition but they'd all thought that once he was cleared for duty they'd be put back together but instead Voight had decided the whole team needed a switch up- Hailey and Vanessa had stayed partners while he was put with Kevin and Adam with Kim. He understood his Sergeants reasoning for that, or at least he thought he did; it was always hard to tell with him. But those two had been through hell, especially since Kim had lost the baby. It would be good for them to work together, especially because there wasn't anyone who didn't see them rekindling their romantic relationship at some point. And since Voight didn't particularly like bringing new people into the mix he knew his Sergeant wanted to find out if they could do the job and still keep themselves straight. It was hard to do.

And he liked working with Kevin. He was solid, never stuck his nose in anyone's business, was always there when needed and always good for a laugh, not to mention he was a hell of a cop. They'd been friends for years but it had always been he and Ruzek who had the stronger bond and though Jay knew both were missing being partnered together he was grateful to have the man by his side. Which was why as they finally pulled up at the shipyard he turned to him with a broad, if not somewhat tired smile.

"Ready to catch some bad guys?"