Paper Rings - HS

04

In that moment; time froze. The world stopped spinning and got completely turned upside down. My chest was tight, the feeling I could only assume would be equivalent to drowning as I sat in front of my best friend who had just dropped a bombshell on me.

I allowed my body to sink back into the couch, resting my back in the corner. I couldn't shake this feeling no matter how hard I tried. My best friend that I had mourned losing for years is dating my best friend from high school and both of them had failed to mention such a major piece of information which caused me to question how long this has actually been going on for. Days? Weeks? Months? Years?

"Are you happy?"

The only words I was able to speak, barely above a whisper as I stayed in my spot curled up in the corner of the sofa. Harry moved closer, his feet now planted firmly on the floor as he sat with his forearms resting on his knees. He stared at the hard wood flooring of the flat, eventually raising his hand to his face, taking his bottom lip between his thumb and pointer finger picking at it; a nervous habit he's never been able to kick. Obviously meaning they've been hiding it for quite some time.

"Are you deaf? Harry I asked if-"

"I heard you. I heard you Kait, I'm just trying to sort out my words."

"Well don't overthink it, just answer the question. Are you happy?"

He turned his head, his skin was pale almost as if he had seen a ghost. My question taking him by surprise.

"I'll be right back."

Harry stood up, taking his phone from the coffee table on his way towards the front door. After hearing the door close, I looked out the window, watching as he sat on the stairs outside my flat, powering his phone on and bringing it to his ear, assuming he was calling Lennon.

I watched him for a few minutes, listening to his raspy voice as he spoke into the phone. For once in my life, I'm thankful I left a window open.

"I don't understand you sometimes for gods sake, Lennon. How could you just not say a single word about us to her and then beg for me to stay silent about it too? No matter how much you try to convince me or blackmail me or bribe me you should know, the one thing that I refuse to do is lie to my best friend."

Bribe? Blackmail? All of this is too much.

I continue to watch as Harry becomes increasingly angered by the phone call that seemed to go on for an eternity. His free hand finding its way into his curls, pulling at the roots frustratingly.

Eventually he hangs up, the air entering my lungs is cleansing but not nearly enough to rid me of the anxiety coursing through my body. The front door slams, causing my body to react in a jolt, turning my head to watch Harry as he returns to his rightful place on the sofa.

The sun has started to set, as its fall in an already gloomy city, causing an orange haze to cascade the walls of my flat that I had been sharing with Harry for nearly twenty four hours. Eventually he lifts his head to look at me.

I stare into his eyes, the youthful sparkle now dimmed to an empty stare. He was in pain but I didn't know how to fix it. As kids when one of us was down we'd offer the other ice cream and a movie night in a poorly constructed blanket fort in a living room, but we were too old for that now. We had to talk through this like adults, not cover the pain and hurt with sugary treats and fantasy films amongst the warmth of fluffy throw blankets.

"No."

I opened my mouth, no words leaving. Frozen in time.

"To answer your question, I'm not. But I can't leave. It's more complicated than you think and I don't feel like explaining it right now."