Life At All

Part 3

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Tanya stumbled out of the car, stumbled up the stairs, stumbled until she arrived at her destination, the vandalized lunch table. "Why didn't you come to the mall with us?" one asked her "You know my mom" she replied "She's kinda a bitch" said another. "Yea its okay" she said drowsily. She sat down exhaustedly and looked around, wondering how she got here, how she got to be the person she is now.

She considered herself the new lost generation, born in 2004, aged 17; not knowing how to drive. Most of her other peers knew how to, but not her. She was in a different crowd though. The crowd of those born with a plastic spoon in their mouths, isolated partially by their own choice as they try to achieve typical edginess. The former "outcasts", the goths, emos, punks, gays, grunge, all subcultures and sexual orientations, who now roam the halls bravely and hang their flags proudly. They turned mainstream in a rejection of normalcy.

Sell outs

Please don't get offended by this uwu. You have to read more into the book <33

Her style could be described as a mix, "quite unique" you know indescribable. She wore cute little skirts and shirts from hot topic and her classic comfy Demonias. Except quite often she was embarrassed so she just wore pants instead. And long oversized sweaters. Actually she never really dressed that way. But she was still "emo af", just look at her music taste, so edgy.

Josh almost fell walking down the stairs of the bus. He heard his sibling snicker at him but ignored it. he turned up music and walked into this place, a hellhole but also simultaneously heaven. "hey joshhh have you seen that the sky is falling to us?" his friend said pointing clumsily upwards. "shut up your fucking high" "shit you want some?" "nah im good. Sit down" he said squatting down pulling his friend down too.

He was in an odd crowd at school, the one most girls were scared of. They actually weren't that scary, they just did light drugs and alcohol and skateboarded. Honestly the only drug they used weed, he didn't though. Most people were disgusted and stayed away or tried to brazenly ask them for some pot or a swig of liquor. Their requests were usually denied, to their sadness. He honestly did not know why he was in this crowd, he didn't drink or do drugs. He didn't even know how to skateboard. He had found them when they were sober and realized they were really quite like him, and decided to stick with them, even when they were stoned and passed out drunk. That's what they used to cope, he was lucky he could survive better than them.

I don't know who I am anymore and this is a reflection of it.

"The youth of today don't know what to believe in" said her withered English teacher. "they're beatniks, living life carelessly, un-optimistically because they don't know themselves, what they want, what the future will be." She sounded like she was talking about but the students, but in reality, was talking about Ernest Hemingway's work. Her parents never let her live her life, she felt, so she just kind of wandered aimlessly, not knowing who she is or what she wants to do. Her head started to slip from her hand... "Tanya, what do you think the motif Hemingway is trying to portray?" the fuck if she knows, she was daydreaming about better things. She read the book, it was pretty cool and all, but its rather useless in her mind to analyze every aspect of it. its just a cool story and all, a bunch of words written for no reason in no particular order.

Just like this book there is no particular order or meaning to any of the way the words are used. Don't try to find any meaning in them. I'm warning you.

"heheh look at the fish eyes" the stoner said to him. they were in biology, dissecting various forms of life that had given up their existence for them to look at their bodies in amazement and disgust. He was quite interested in it, seeing what was on the inside of things. He found it to be simply gross smelly organs, made more so by the formaldehyde. There were brains and bones, quite brittle actually. Various little intestines, seemingly no purpose but the fact that the creature wasn't alive served as a fact that they served for something. There wasn't much else. It was dead, so the thing he was looking for couldn't be found. Also, it wouldn't be found in a fish.

Guys were taking their shirts off in the hallway as the sticky hot air was too much to bear. It was permeating throughout the school. Infusing it with a sense of anxiety. And the girls and teachers (and civilized guys) were quite annoyed at the sweaty boys with their sweaty armpits and sweaty hair. The teachers thought the girls were going to have s*x with them, but that was quite the opposite. Everyone just wanted to go home and take off all their clothes and lie in their air-conditioned room, not with each other.

The intense heat was quite foreboding to her, as it was only 9 am. She was also quite annoyed with the guys taking off their shirts. She wished she could take off hers but there was the *social stigma* of course. A sports bra isn't scandalous, but she would still get lustful and disgusted stares.

Josh was so glad he was not at home, for with all this heat the entire house would reek of vomit. but unfortunately, he would have to go home later, and face the smell, and the anger and violence. But maybe he wouldn't, he'd stop off at his "friend's" or just go to the McDonald's and crash in a grimy, greasy booth. Just another day of not being a kid. 

Tanya was walking along on a street busy with cars and peddlers pushing their cheap, store bought wares. The concrete was littered with huge cracks and weeds; a needle was sticking out glossy with body fluids. Her mom was working late, as she did so often. She couldn't blame her, since she was a nurse and it is her duty to work long hours caring for others over her own family. So she was stuck walking home in the dangerous part of town. But since her mom wasn't home, she wasn't going there. Her little sister is still with their grandparents, so she has some free time. She didn't want to take care of that beast. As she neared the corner, she spotted a run down McDonald's . She started craving a cheeseburger and fries. She'd have to settle for a diet coke though. And maybe a small fry. And ask for some pickles. They don't have many calories. 

As she walked in, she realized it was more broke than she thought. That probably meant the food wasn't the safest for her consumption but what did it matter. She noticed a guy her age laying in one of the booths, playing on his phone, with his hoodie completely over his head. A large soda sat on the table, from the looks of it half drank. He noticed her as she walked towards the counter.

"Hey"

She turned and saw he lifted himself up and was looking directly at her, but upside down.   

"H-Hey?" she said in reply.

"Aren't you that one girl...at that lunch table? You know where all the suicidal bitches sit."

"Technically haha, cause we're emo, you know."

Tanya didn't really appreciate those comments, but just made light of them, or made suicidal jokes to go along.