"𝑨𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝑰 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐?"
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⚠️sᴛɪʟʟ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪɴɢ⚠️
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Haunted by the night when me and my mother were forced away from our daily lives in Mexico...
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I have a secret.
Or maybe secrets.
But Whether it's one or ones, lately I have been remembering it more than I wanted to. I have done great, forgetting and brushing it under the carpet for the past thirteen years, but lately I think about it a lot.
Why?
I don't know.
But I have a feeling that getting to know the man I'm sat on has something to do with it. Mama always used to say that she was scared to tell Dad about what that man has done to us. She said 'even though the person that we know, see, talk to and touch is someone we feel safe next to, and can never hurt us, deep down in our hearts baby, there's a voice questioning whether the person we love is truly who we think they are, or is it just a version of themselves created only to fool us'
I was a child back then, so I understood nothing of the words she said, but I understand now.
Would he blame me? Would he hate me? Would he feel disgusted? But dad never did any of that when mama told him. He is not Dad is he though? Why would he act the same way dad did?
These thoughts started haunting me the moment I caught feelings for Alessandro. The moment we gave into pleasure and lust was the moment my mind got tangled with those thoughts.
Alessandro slowly rubs his thumb on the small of my back as he worked his way through his company's payroll. I sat on his thighs, my chest on his and legs wrapped around him.
He makes me feel safe. The more I feel that way, the more I'm worried about losing this feeling. I don't want that. I don't want to go back to feeling on edge, chased and without saftey.
Without my knowledge, I tighten my hold on his hoodie. The typing on the keyboard slowed and his thumb stilled 'baby, are you alright?' he said through a calm cautious voice as he continues to type. That brings my attention to how tight I have fisted the back of his hoodie, but I don't let go. I want to hold on.
