Chances

Gemma

Before I knew it, it was the next day.

The day I had to go back to goldteeth to talk to Sapphire.

As soon as my eyes adjusted to the light  of the room, the night before played in my mind.

I sat on my bed. Shivering in nothing but my towel as Axel walked out of my bathroom, his hands wet.

"Bath's ready."

I had been staring at the wall for so long that I forgot Axel was still around.

All I could think about was the stunt I pulled. Crying and shouting in the rain. I could hear him coughing and clearing his throat faintly, probably because he was out in the cold for so long. Cradling me. Like a god damn baby.

Too embarrassed to look him in  the eye, I nodded and stood up, walked past him and went straight into the bathroom.

My eyes widened at the sight of the dimly lit room with scented candles by all the four corners of the tub.

The tub had rose petals at the bottom too.

My heard hurt from crying so much but that one tear that slid down my cheeks seemed to relieve me from any pain I happened to be feeling.

I took my bath which was unusually long.
I spent a lot of my time sunk down into the water, pretending I was drowning.

Oh how I wished I was drowning. Away from all the pain my past was pressing on me. Away from all the embarrassment. Away from Axel's unconditional kindness. Away from everyone and everything.

I tried inhaling the rose water so I'd eventually pass out but it stung so hard after my first try that I just broke down and cried. Making sure to hold my mouth as I did.

I had caused Axel enough panic.

I held my breath underwater for a while and felt my tears become one with the water.

I was soaking in my tears. Literally.

I was too much of a coward to do anything, let alone kill myself.

Later that night, Axel told me I could sleep in his bed that night. Before I could object or point out anything, he said he'd sleep on the bedroom bench.

I didn't know what would change if I did so but as soon as he pulled up his blanket up to my neck, his familiar cold musk scent wrapped around me.

I closed my eyes and imagined myself in his arms way before we argued in the rain. Way before we visited goldteeth. Way before I started working for goldteeth. Way before dad died.

In my thoughts, he was a boy I knew as a kid. A boy I couldn't stop thinking about as an innocent little kid. A boy I said I'd end up with no matter what.

"And by the way Gemma," Axel said as he tucked himself in on the soft and couch shaped bedside bench. "First thing tomo morning, we should head back to goldteeth one more. Sapphire's probably worried and I don't think the tension's gonna be worth it."

I didn't dare to argue, partially because I didn't want to risk losing sight of my make believe stories as soon as my eyes opened.

I used up all my will power to daintily mumble "mm-hm" before nodding off to the Axel in my dreams.

But back to reality, I just trailed behind Axel like a little lifeless tail.

He held my hand all the way to the back of the goldteeth building like a parent getting their stubborn child to a school program on a Saturday.

"I'll hang by the bakery," Axel said as he rubbed my shoulders. "As soon as you're ready to leave, you let me know."

He kissed the top of my head and walked away, taking a few breaks to stop and look back at me.