Chances

Gemma...again

I finally pushed the door open after staring at the handle for a while.

Moving to Japan was huge. Really huge.

It was huge for Axel.

It was huge for the both of us.

But not huge enough to ruin what Axel and I had...

...Right?

I walked in and took in the scent of pure emptiness.

The sight of bubble wrapped furniture and labelled boxes made my stomach churn a bit.

There was so much free space around that I couldn't believe this was the same living room that Axel and I slow danced in when we both couldn't sleep.

It was the same living room we fell asleep in when we tried betting on who'd stay awake the longest for a Friends marathon. (Neither of us won.)

It was the same living room where Axel would casually look at me out of nowhere and tell me he loved me.

And I'd say I loved him too.

I had gone through so much change in my life that I couldn't understand why that felt any different.

"Gemma."

"Hey Axel," I said as he pulled me into a soft hug.

His embrace was a sanctuary. I felt safe everytime I had it because it was like I was protected from the world of horrible possibilities. It was strong and firm.

But this one in specific...this one was weak.

And by the look in his eyes, I confirmed it.

"What's wrong?" I asked, a crack in my voice.

"Do you...do you have a sec?"

I nodded and sat down with him on the stairs, my hands still in his.

"Gemma," he started, his tone raspy and low. "Moving to Japan is a dream come true...you know that right?"

I nodded.

"And the only way it can feel like a complete dream come true is if I can go with you."

He paused to look me in my eyes. My stinging eyes.

I already knew where it was going.

"But I wanna know if you're completely one hundred percent on board with doing so."

I couldn't face him. I couldn't.

"I'm not."

I held my breath for a bit and let my words hang in the air between us before I opened up my mouth to say something else, inhaling them and tasting them on my tongue.

Bitter.

"Axel I love that you wanna move to Japan with me...I really do. It's just...I feel like I'm losing to myself. I mean, I pictured everything here and I-I even got the plot and if I move I feel like I'm running away from a city that's left so many scars on me and I'm tired of feeling weak about that." 

I swallowed.

"I'm tired of losing."

I don't know what I expected him to do.

Walk away and not say anything to me until he moved?

Yell at me until my ears rang for being ungrateful for what he had to offer?

Compare me to the girl he moved there for?...or say I was way worse?

So it came as a shock to me when I was suddenly leaning on his chest, his arms wrapped around me.