The Soldier and The Spy: Jay Halstead- Episode 2

Chapter 10

Thirteen Years Ago

"Are you serious?"

"What?"

"I'm trying to kiss you and you're making a face."

"Well did you have to get extra onions on your hotdog?"

"They taste good!" Jay defended as Tess laughed and pushed him away.

"To you maybe."

He made his own face and pecked her on the lips anyway, ignoring the slight scrunching of her nose as he grabbed their wrappers, with the bit of bun that was always left in hers, and headed over to the garbage.

They were back on the Riverwalk, and for a place he'd never spent much time at before this week it had quickly become one of his favourites spots. And as he turned back he was planning on taking a moment to take in his favourite sight, her against the backdrop of the city, but it only took a second for him to realize something wasn't right. Tess had gone from leaning against the bench with her leg tucked beneath her to sitting upright, shoulders back, chin up; he recognized the posture immediately and it left little doubt in his mind as to who was on the other end of the phone pressed against her ear.

Coulson.

Or maybe Michael, he was her team lead, but it didn't really matter who. What mattered was that he knew that look.

She had to go back.

She'd already been home a week longer than she'd told him she would have but he'd spent so much time trying not to think about her departure that the sudden reality of it left his heart aching. Saying goodbye to her had always been hard, harder than it had a right to be, but now? How was he supposed to let her go now he'd had a glimpse of what it was like to really have her? Her gaze slid to him and then away, a familiar heaviness in her eyes as she nodded and he knew he was going to have to figure it out. He knew all too well how hard that phone call was, how lonely the last night.

Jay couldn't, wouldn't make this any harder on her than it was already going to be.

He waited until she hung up and then walked back, slowly looking her over as he took his seat beside her. "Gotta go save the world?"

Her half laugh made his heart ache even more, especially as her eyes met his. She didn't say anything and the way her throat bobbed made him think she couldn't so he just pulled her into his side and rested his head atop hers, giving them both a minute to let it sink in.

"I don't-" Damn it. Her throat wasn't the only one that was thick. "I don't want to sleep in my bed tonight."

For a second she didn't answer but then she tilted her head up, smiling even as she held back tears. How could anyone look so pretty when they cried? "You do realize you'll be trading Carol for Lydia, right?"

Now it was his turn to laugh, her eyes softening as he tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "That's fine by me. All I care about is that I'm with you."

They left a few minutes later.

Jay couldn't bear to be around other people, to see all the normal couples, kissing and laughing and holding hands without a care in the world- every second that passed the ache in his heart grew stronger and he had no idea how to handle it. All he wanted was to take her someplace they could be alone, could forget the rest of the world and the demands it made of them but she kept insisting they go to his place. He supposed it made sense, she still had things there, things he didn't particularly mind if she left behind but he didn't want to risk his aunt showing up. In his youth her uncanny ability to turn up at the most inopportune moments had been funny. Now it was not. But Tess kept asking as they walked back to his car, as he distantly wondered how long it would take before her scent stopped clinging to the seats, it was certain it'd be gone by the time he got home from his next deployment but would it last until then? And then she'd mumbled something about wanting to steal one of his hoodies, how the one she'd taken from the base no longer smelled like him and in an instant all his ire melted.