Short Story, Long

𝚂𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 3: 𝚂𝚑𝚎 𝙰𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝙺𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚜

TW:  Involves negative thoughts, self-criticism, belittlement and anything else that would cause you to hate yourself....('。＿。｀)

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It was a Monday. 

Make that a very gloomy Monday afternoon, and an emotional 14 year old Tara stormed down the street on her way home from school, silent tears streaming down her face. What use to be her test paper was impossibly crumpled in her left fist, and negative thoughts were the only thing running through her mind.

It was as if life was against her, which she always thought it was, but today was even worse.

Not only had she been sprayed by the water fountain in front of the school, having been yelled at in P.E for not knowing to play the game—NOT EVERYONE KNEW HOW TO PLAY VOLLEYBALL LIKE A PRO LADY!!—and being made fun of by her History teacher, she had also failed her Math test as well.

'Now I'll be yelled at by mom as soon as I get home on top of it all'. She thought. Being  so lost in thought, Tara hadn't realized that she had stopped in her tracks until a pair of fellow school mates accidentally bumped into her.

"Oof, sorry! Didn't see you there" one of them apologized and continued walking, smiling sheepishly. 

Tara looked up at the  girls, noticing how relaxed and happy they seemed. Their standard grey blazers tied around their waists, as they continued walking, laughing among themselves. Seeing them so happy put a bitter taste in Tara's mouth, and her anger grew even more.

In her eyes, it was as if they were jeering her, even though none of them even knew who she was. It was a 'how dare they' type of scenario.

How dare they be so happy? How dare they laugh and smile with each other? How dare they be so relaxed? How dare they.......while she was having internal conflict about what was to come when she went home? 

'It's not fair!!!' Tara thought and continued stomping her way down the street.

Feeling a bit lightheaded, and debating whether or not she was worthy to go home, Tara turned the corner of the familiar street and sat down on the nearest bench she could find. The long, wooden bench creaked slightly under her weight as she sat with tense shoulders, her hands gripping the tail of her knee-length, plaid orange skirt as she tried to calm herself down.

Let it be known, it wasn't helping. Neither was the restless bouncing of her leg. In fact, it seemed to only irritate her further. With a huff, she forced herself to stop.

A moment of silence passed as Tara tried calming down. She tried focusing on the sounds of the passing cars, passer-byers talking, birds chirping....anything that wasn't her. For a moment, it worked. Her breathing had evened, and the tears had stopped...but the moment she felt the crumpled test paper that was still in her fist her Zen evaporated.

She shook her head in disbelief, reality finally sinking in.

"How could I fail this?" she asked in between sobs, ".....I prepared so hard for this....Everyday...for a week"

She further crumpled the paper, breaking into louder sobs, as she continued to crumple the paper further. Tears now dripping on her skirt because she knew what was to come. 

Her mother wouldn't hear her out. Her mother wouldn't care about Tara's explanation....not that Tara even got chances to explain whenever things went south. 

'Mother wouldn't understand. She'll just say that it's my fault for not studying hard enough.....Or that I don't pay attention in my classes.....Or that I spend too much time on that guitar. Or it's because I spend too much time learning those stupid dances that won't get me anywhere in the future....or that I'm the problem'.

Tara came to this conclusion after all the years of her mother nit-picking and belittling Tara's every move. Nothing Tara did was ever good in her mothers' eyes---or eye, as she could hardly see clearly from the right eye. It was as if her mother was her own biggest hater.

'If she found out about me failing this test, Mother would surely restrict me from dancing....and even take away my guitar'.

'She'll say that I'm a failure....and that I should be more responsible with my studies.... just like Cameron'.

Cameron.....

'Cameron!!! Why am I always being compared to you?!!'

Angrily, Tara tossed the crumpled paper ball  down the street, wanting nothing to do with it.

If telling her that she was a failure wasn't enough, comparing Tara to her older brother surely helped in belittling her a lot more successfully. 

He was the golden boy. He was good-looking. He was smart. He was always getting better grades. He was good at everything. He was an overachiever, his walls lining with all the trophies he obtained over the years.

He even had trophies in the hallway, a collection their mother would always proudly show to all the relatives and guests whenever they came over. The same guests and relatives who would then put Tara on the spot and ask, "Where are yours?"

In moments like those.... Tara would just fake a smile.... Force a laugh and play the part of  'the little sister who wanted to be just like Cameron'. Which wasn't exactly wrong. Who wouldn't wanna be so smart and have that many trophies of their accomplishments?

The trophies were even in every room, being another constant reminder that Tara was nothing like him. That she wasn't the perfect one, and she fails at everything...like she wasn't trying. Like she wasn't human. Because Tara wasn't meeting her mother's expectations. But even she couldn't understand that nobody's perfect.

Tara wasn't even home yet, and she could already hear her mother's complaints, and awful words. 

A bitter chuckle escaped her lips. The curse of overthinking had done it again. Tara had managed to overthink the infinite possibilities that she finally edged her emotions into that 'nonchalant corner' of her mind. She no longer cared....well, she did, but at least it wouldn't show.

Wiping the tears from her face in the sleeve of school blazer, Tara got on her feet, and deciding to continue on her walk home.

'It's no use delaying the inevitable....I better go face the music'

If she was going to get yelled at for the thousandth time this year, she didn't want 'coming home late' to be added to the ever-growing list. Walking down the street, putting on a fake smile, Tara stopped to pick up the crumpled ball that she had tossed earlier. 

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Started: October 2021

 Ended: August 2022