Flowers on the Moon ; jinyoung-centric

Chapter 7: what love feels like

Jinyoung has always been fascinated with the idea of falling in love. Growing up, he'd always been surrounded with couples and polyamorous relationships alike, whether it be strangers passing by or his previous classmates. It made him wonder what that feels like, or if he'll ever find someone who will look at him the same way those people look at their partners. 

It must be nice. It must be nice to be loved wholeheartedly and completely, to have someone smile at him fondly and steal glances amongst a crowd, to have someone hold onto his hand and kiss him softly. 

For a while, he had been content with merely letting those dreams stay as just dreams. It didn't matter that he felt out of place amongst a sea of romance, or that sometimes the loneliness would be just a bit too much to bear. He told himself he was fine with living like that, and he really was, at least for a while. 

Then his life crashed and burned through the form of Jung Youngho. 

Jinyoung couldn't pinpoint when exactly it was, but somewhere in between that day in the cafeteria to that seemingly-endless school year filled with routines of abusing him physically and emotionally, he actually started believing the vile words Youngho and his friends would throw at him. 

But maybe those things Youngho told him were the truth, anyway. Because really, who would love him? Who would want him? 

He's not really anything. He's just a passerby, just another stranger, just another faceless name no one will bother to remember. Jinyoung has already accepted that a long time ago, maybe even before Youngho showed up in his life. 

So now that he was here, in front of the very six people he'd expected the least would even glance at him now confessing their feelings for him, Jinyoung was speechless, to say the least. 

He looks at the others surrounding him and searches their faces for any trace of insincerity, for any hint of a hidden motive lying beneath their smiles, but he doesn't find any. All he could see were their fond gazes, love spilling from their warm eyes that could not contain it any longer. And Jinyoung realizes, as his heart skips a beat, and as his breaths gets caught in his throat, that all that pure, irrevocable love was reserved solely for him. 

It makes his heart flutter against his chest that it almost wipes away any remaining doubts clouding his racing mind. 

"Do you really mean it?" His voice was barely above a whisper, breaking the momentary silence amongst them. 

Jackson nods. "Of course. Why wouldn't we?" 

Jinyoung bites the inside of his cheeks, contemplating. When he responds, he doesn't dare to meet anyone's eyes. "It's just so hard to believe."

"But it's not impossible," Youngjae tells him. "Besides, who wouldn't want to be your friend? Who wouldn't want to love you?" 

And maybe it was because of those simple yet meaningful words that sent Jinyoung barrelling into a fit of tears the next second. 

Almost immediately, a series of worried voices and gentle touches hovering over his skin greeted him. He doesn't even hear himself crying, doesn't even feel the tears streaming down his face as he's pulled into someone's warm arms, and it makes his heart burst with warmth as the realization sinks in that this, this is exactly what he's been longing for his whole life. 

It's like an explosion of warmth in his chest, like a breath of fresh air seeping through his lungs. It feels so foreign and yet so, so comforting at the same time. 

Maybe this is what love feels like. 

It's nothing like he's ever imagined, yet it's everything he could've ever hoped for.