Flowers on the Moon ; jinyoung-centric

Chapter 8: silence

[ TW / mentions of self-harm, depictions of violence, mention of blood and injury, verbal & emotional abuse ]

The next time Jinyoung went to his cafe, there was an uneasiness in his stomach. Somehow the place he's always seen as a refuge, the only place where he could hide from the world, has also become unsafe. 

And now that he stands here, amidst the dim lighting and light, lingering aroma of brewing coffee, Jinyoung could still see Youngho standing right there , with that taunting smile on his face. He hated himself so much for being weak, for not being able to do anything at all in front of everyone.

Somewhere at the back of his head, he could still see their watching eyes, scrutinizing every movement he makes. It spurs a sickening feeling inside of him, the thought of looking so pathetic in front of everyone, of looking so helpless. 

The wind blows outside and streams through the open door, and Jinyoung shakes his head to push down that thought before it's all he can think about. 

And surprisingly, the day went by pretty easily, and as the sun rose up, so did Jinyiung's mood. 

When it was time for closing, he practically ran over to the door with a smile, the warm late afternoon sunlight streaming through the windows. As Jinyoung scans the place to make sure everything was cleaned up, he could barely contain the smile taking over his face, heart thudding with excitement. 

The seven of them had arranged to eat dinner together tonight, and the others had offered to pick Jinyoung up after their classes today, to which Jinyoung (hesitantly) agreed. It was a bit weird, in a way, to casually hang out with them. It was weird to be treated nicely, and even now Jinyoung still wonders if he deserves their kindness at all. 

"You're still here, Jinyoungie ?" 

The smile immediately falls off his face. 

Jinyoung freezes, breath hitching in his throat. The grip on the straps of his backpack tightens just a little bit. 

"Look at us, Jinyoung! Didn't you miss us?" 

A chuckle, followed by two pairs of laughter. Jinyoung's heart started to race, and he was clutching his bag so tightly his knuckles turned white. He wanted to turn around and make a rush for the door; wanted so desperately to get away from their presence, but it seemed like his feet were rooted to the ground, cold and unmoving. 

The sound of footsteps were getting closer, and as Jinyoung stared helplessly at the kitchen just ahead, all he could think about were the times he spend with those six — those six who were like a ray of light in his lonely world, who always seemed to cheer him up and make him forget about the fear in his mind simply by just being there. 

He wishes they were here. He hated being so weak, but the terror was just so paralyzing that all he wanted to do was run away. 

At the back of his head, Jinyoung hoped they would come through the door and envelop him in their warm embraces, away from the people he'd been hiding from for as long as he could remember, away from the fear overtaking his mind. And as much as he hated being so helpless all the time, he just wanted to feel safe. 

But Youngho was still here, all them were still here, looming above him like a gray cloud waiting to pour. They were still here, with no intention to leave, and suddenly Jinyoung's brought back to that day at the cafeteria.