Chapter 3
Matt drove the car through the various back roads and villages in the quickest attempt to get us to the local hospital. With constant worried glances in my direction!
All that I could think about was our baby, was it okay? What have I done to make this happen? I shouldn't have told anyone, I know it was only a superstition but maybe I should have followed it, would it have stopped this?
Matt quickly pulled the car into the nearest parking space, and we both jumped out as fast as we could! Holding the small of my back Matt lead me to the hospital entrance.
Behind the desk was a middle aged woman, who had a sour look on her face was talking on the phone. I started to pace and tap my foot in impatience as she continued to talk.
“How may I help you?” She asks in a bored meaningless tone, how ironic that a woman who works in an A&E department, where she sees people coming in all states of health, shock and depression, yet she couldn’t even put a fake smile on her face to try and cheer people up!
“Yes, I’m 6 weeks pregnant and I’m heavily bleeding, I need to see a doctor ASAP!” I manage to shakily breathe out, hoping she sees the panic in my eyes and face and push it for us to see a doctor.
“Okay can I have a few details please?” She replies tapping on her computer.
Giving her my name and address and normal doctors she manages to bring up my history, and asks us to take a seat in the waiting room.
There was a young man in the room, with a broken arm and a little girl bleeding from her finger when we got in there. I took a seat and tapped my foot up and down in an attempt to control the shakiness and pent up emotion currently flowing through every fibre of my being!
“It’s alright sweetie, don’t worry too much until we have seen someone please.” Matt asks while his whole face is pure worry. Not knowing himself what to say or do himself.
20 minutes of pacing, worrying, panicking and a lot more bleeding later the doctor calls us into a private room. She was a petit woman, around 35 years if age and dark long hair tied into a messy bun.
I had to pee in a pot and change the pad for her to see what was happening. In the half hour it took us to get to the hospital, and wait around the blood had completely soaked through. Seeing all the blood brought all my defence down as I knew then and there what the verdict of today was going to be.
I went back into the room with the tears still flooding down my face and no way to stop them from continuing, Matt brought me into a tight hug and held me quietly for another 45 minutes while the doctors ran tests and checked things out.
We still hadn’t been given any news an hour in, and I’d gone through another maternity pad. It just kept coming, much like the tears and silent pacing!
After 90 minutes of nothing, the doctor came in with a nurse, she then asked Matt to leave the room while she checked out my cervix to see where the blood was coming from! This actually made me laugh as it was Matt that put the baby in there, but the nurse wouldn’t let him be with me while she checked me out.
The nurse held my hand, this is horrible, I was asked to spread my legs and all my dignity with it. This is not a pleasant feeling as she put the spectrum inside and use the torch to find out if she could see anything. I twitched and sucked in a load of air through my teeth at many points during the check, all I want is for Matt to come and hold me while she finds out all she needed too.
The doctor, who had told us her name although I have no idea what to call her, finished up and told me that is was definitely my cervix bleeding, and I was currently loosing my baby. Like how you loose your keys? How can I loose my baby like that? Surely I should be able to keep hold of the tiny thing and protect it better than this?
I grabbed my phone and made the phone call I had dreaded the most before I faced Matt and told him the horrific news.
“Mummy i-i-I’m s-so s-s-s-s-sorry!” I can’t even breathe through the tears and tight throat, but they won’t calm or stop.
“What’s the matter baby girl?” You can hear the worry from my mother at the end of the phone and I can almost see the frown puckering between her eyebrows and stress wrinkles crinkling around her eyes.
“We’re currently atDorchesterHospital, and they’ve just told me that I’m loosing” I stop breathing again as the pain wrecks through my body! “Loosing the baby!” The painful sobs start ll over again, I can’t control them or see through them. All I feel is the unbearable pain of loosing my tiny baby before it even had a chance to start.
I suddenly register that I’m still on the phone to my mum, as I hear the same sobbing coming from her end of the mobile, and I soon realise that she too is broken about the baby that nobody got to hold.
“Darling I’m so sorry. It’s not your fault, it just wasn’t meant to be at this point.” Her comforting words did nothing to make me feel even little better, but I managed to control the wrecking sobs as Matt walked back in the room.
I quickly said good-bye to my mum, promising I would ring her tonight. I now had to face the love of my life and tell him that I couldn’t carry his baby.
“Matt sweetheart, I’m sorry, but the doctor just explained that I’m loosing or will loose in the next 12 hours our baby. The amount of blood and where it’s coming from is telling them it’s a m-miscarriage!”
I didn’t feel any better for admitting what I was having, it fact it made everything seem 100x times harder.
I’d wanted a baby for nearly 5 years and I’d already had one miscarriage when I was 14 years old, a unplanned pregnancy, I’d never told anyone but Matt about. I lost the baby around the same time as I was now. I didn’t tell anyone about loosing the baby, I dealt with it all myself it was just as horrific as this experience. At least this time I had my beautiful fiancée who would hold me and come with me through it all.
Matt held me in that room for another uncountable amount of time as we both cried for lose of a baby we loved more than anything itself, even without laying eyes on it.
When the doctor came in again, a grim look set upon her face I knew it was more bad news she was going to share with us.
“I want you to stay in over night Miss Baker, so we can keep a close eye on you, and give you a scan first thing in the morning due to you being 6 weeks we have to check the miscarriage has gone successfully.”
My temper flared at her as she used the words miscarriage and successfully in the same sentence! It was anything but successful! Beating cancer was successful, winning a football game is successful! Loosing a baby is anything but!
Turning away from the bitter woman, who I could no longer bear to see I muttered the only words that were circling my brain that were acceptable to breathe in a public place. “I’m not staying in a cold hospital tonight. If I’ve lost my child I want to go home and snuggle in my duvet in bed with Matt and eat a tub of ice-cream. Not by myself in this damn hospital!”
With this Matt looked at Cruella Deville herself with the coldest look I have ever see him give another human being, “Book the scan, I will have her hear! No matter what the time is.”
The doctor scurried out of the door, returning moments later with a booked appointment for9 amthe following morning.
We accepted the appointment and left the hospital, tears streaming down both our faces, the knowledge in our head that this wasn’t our time and we’d have to explain to people how we’d lost the baby.
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A/N
Thank you all fr reading up until this point.
Uploads will be vert speradic, and as you may ot have worked out this is actually how my pregnancy worked out.. All the things in this book apart from names are competely true.
Hope you enjoy.
Vote and Comment please. x
