𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐄 ━━ 𝘔𝘈𝘛𝘛 𝘚𝘛𝘜𝘙𝘕𝘐𝘖𝘓𝘖

CHAPTER 9

"I'm sorry."

I pull the ends of my sleeves over my cold hands, fiddling with the inside as I sit down beside Matt who had just been looking out to the rain falling to the ground. The rain splattered on the cement calmly as Matt didn't reply.

"For what?" he finally speaks up, "For being a bitch to your girlfriend." I sigh, putting my hands in my lap.

He hadn't replied, just hummed, keeping his eyes on the water falling.

I looked towards Matt.

"I really am." I add.

This whole time I thought that everything I did was for Chris. I dressed to impress Chris, I acted like how I thought Chris would like, but it wasn't for Chris at all. This whole time I thought I had been dressing to impress Chris, but I had really been trying to impress Matt.

"I know. I believe you." Matt replies.

"Well, I just thought I should apologize." I sigh, standing up.

"Wait." he says, turning and grabbing my arm.

"Stay." he says.

It felt like the world had stopped moving. He had mattered to me and I hated that he did. He has a girlfriend and here I am, getting butterflies when he grabs my arm.

"You were right." he sighs.

"What do you mean?" I ask, sitting back down.

"Bella texted me." he states.

"Look Matt, about the drink thing, it doesn-" I start.

"She broke up with me." he interrupts.

Not once this whole conversation had he looked at me. Not when I talked to him, not when he talked to me.

"She just, broke up with you?" I ask, "She said I was taking too long to ask for sex. And she doesn't like you. Like at all." he answers with a heavy chuckle.

"Even a blind person could tell you that." I laugh.

"I'm sorry." he says.

"It's okay." I reply, "Maybe to you, but not to me. I was a complete dick to you. I should have listened to you- to all of you. It was stupid of me to risk our friendship for something like that." he says.

"I'm gonna be honest, Matt. It hurt when I realized that you hadn't believed one word coming out of my mouth. And I knew you would end up hurt in the end of it all which I tried to tell you but you didn't listen. You put this on yourself. But, I'm not saying you have to hurt by yourself." I say.

"I'm not as hurt as you think, Annika. I saw and heard the way she treated you and your friends yet I still decided to be with her. I get that you're hurt about that, I really do, and I'm sorry. For choosing her over you. I'm choosing you for now on." he states, putting a hand on my own.

"Matt, I'm not going to be your rebound." I tell him, taking my hand from under his.

"Annika, I need you. More than I ever have. Just let me win, just once." he whispers.

"Matt..." I reply, "Please." he whispers again.

"No. I'm not your rebound. You don't even see me like that, you just want to get back at Bella for using you. I'm not new to this game." I speak louder.

"But I do see you like that. There has always been a part of me that has seen you like that. And yes, I hate what Bella did, but I really need you." he replies.

"And you have me Matt. I'm right here, I don't plan on leaving. But I'm not going to commit to something with you when I know you don't feel for me what I feel for you." I tell him.

"Then what do you feel for me?" he asks.

I sigh before speaking.

"I feel a lot. And I hate to admit that to you, right now but it's true. When you completely turned dick on me for Bella I wanted to bash your head against a window. But I also wanted to kiss you. I wanted to kiss you and I felt like if I did, you'd realize that you didn't want Bella, you wanted me. This whole time, I convinced myself that I liked Chris, that I had been dressed to fit what Chris liked, Chris this, Chris that, but in reality I had just been trying to impress you. Not Chris. This whole time it was you, not Chris, but I convinced myself that it was Chris because you had a girlfriend. A girlfriend I knew I was better than. A girlfriend I knew treated you like shit and was using you, which I hated. I hated the fact that she could just come in and use you like that. Such an evil soul could use such a fragile one like yours. I was jealous. I knew that, so I was a bitch. But I had a reason to. And even though you hated me with your whole entire body, I still felt something for you. I felt those small little butterflies when you made eye contact with me. I felt everything I did before Bella came along, and I still do. You were with Bella, yet I still chose to love you. And now that Bella's out of the picture? It's not gonna make things better. I fucking love you. That's what I feel."

"You liked me the whole time?" he asks, "Longer." I answer.

"How long?" he asks, "Since the 9th grade." I sigh, "How'd you know?" he asked.

"Thanksgiving break. We came over and Nick and Chris were washing up for dinner. Me and you were in your room, Trevor was on my lap and you smiled at me and said that you bet I would grow up and have at least 7 dogs because I work so well with Trevor. I smiled and told you there would be way more than 7 and you said that I have to name one after you. That moment, I realized that the name Matt had really meant something to me. It wasn't long after that I realized I loved you. And that's corny, I know, but it's true." I answer."

"It's not that corny." he laughs, knocking his shoulder into mine.

"Yeah okay." I reply.

"I love you too." he says after not speaking for a while.

"You do?" I ask, "Yeah. And I don't want you to be my rebound. I genuinely love you and you mean much more to me than a rebound. I don't need a rebound, I need you." he answers.

"I said you have me, Matt." I reply, "No. Yes I have you as my friend, but I need you as more than that. So will you? Be more than my friend, I mean. My girlfriend." he asks.

"Are you sure? You just got out of a relationship." I tell him.

"Annika, yes I'm sure." he laughs, "Then I'll be your girlfriend. But, I wanna take things slow." I reply.

"We can take things slow, girlfriend." he smiles, "Okay, boyfriend." I giggle.

KIERA SPEAKS: i hate writing the word girlfriend like it just like when I say girlfriend in my mind it's like gworl friend and it's weird but whatev