Fragile Soul

Preview

April 22,2022 10:30 pm

I remember the exact events of that day because it's the day that I lost my other half. It's the day I lost part of myself and the day that I regretted ever being clueless.

On that day I remember wanting to be with Carson I remember knocking on his door hoping he'd come out and talk to me. But he never did which didn't surprise me I just thought he wanted to be alone.

I remember him never coming out of the room, to eat, see our mom or anything. I started to get concerned but instead of checking on him I went and got high with my ex. I forgot about Carson because I thought he was just being a boy.

But when I got home I could hear my mom banging on his door with no response. So she went and got her key and unlocked his door and what we saw next fucking sent me in a spiral.

There Carson was laying on the floor bleeding out. My twin brother fucking left me. I remember holding onto him trying to get him to wake up. I still remember my blood soaked clothes, I remember being in too much shock to even realize that he was already gone.

I remember the paramedics trying to break me away from my brother. Their voices were faint and I'm pretty sure it was the shock. I remember seeing my mom break down countless number of times but I was completely numb of any emotions.

It's not until a few days later that my dad flew that I felt anything. I remember feeling anger at my dad for not being there for us. I remember feeling resentment towards for not accepting the truth that I was at fault for Carson's suicide. I remember feeling empty cause I didn't know how to move on from it all. I remember feeling like the worse person ever pushing my parents away.

I also remember hearing Carson say he would always be there for me and that he would never leave me.

But he lied to me, he left me and little did he know he left when I was gonna need him most.