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The overwhelming sensation of isolation and being left out. The enviousness of being normal and aloofness of every social interaction.
It has been welling up too much inside that it was hard for me to breathe, hard for me to sleep. Anxiety, thoughts creeping out of my head, spantenous burst of emotion that will suffocate me to death, if ever that was possible.
If loneliness was more dangerous than smoke addiction then why, why is it being ignored? Why people looked at you indefferently with those words. Why?
Is it the ones being left down by the societies, meant to see its darkest side?
The hanging rope of temptation waiting in your room every night, the knife and blade laying in your kitchen that would ultimately, with one decision, could end your life. Maybe it could end mine?
Dreams and Passion, does any of these really matters? If in the end, you wouldn't able to have the happiness you'd be longing for. Does being successful would really matter, if you wouldn't able to feel the joy of life?
No, obviously then how could we find happiness?
I am so blinded by these monsters whispering in my ears that I can't see whats in front of me, I cant hear what was being said, that I am barely crawling out of life, Is this happiness supposed to be?
The temporary laughter we cover ourselves in to hide the dark content of our reality. The cries, the suffering, the pain we go through. Is this happiness supposed to be?
Sitting alone in your room as you hear laughter from the next room, is this hapiness supposed to be?
The Search for independence, flooding ourselves with information to reach the social standards that would always make us suffer. Is this what hapiness is?
Intelligence wasn't always so good, cause people who knew the most, suffer the most. Maybe becuase we understand too much that it was hard to handle.
It keeps going and going, every night it was harder to sleep, Self evaluation of self worth that would always end up with dissapointing reality.
The feeling of loneliness, being left out, and not being the first choice would always made my chest tighter, my eyes wet, and my soul tattered.
Does having conciousness was a curse?
If I was simple minded I wouldn't have suffered, If I was normal it would have been easy. It would have, but I am not...
