Art can be so scary, It's always transparent and the artist can't lie, maybe thats why i am so scared it, despite being so fond to it.
Engineering? I love learning, but god knows I love expressing myself more, more, more. Then why I dind't choose art if that was the case.
I hope I could be so transparent, I hope I can someday show others my full self without covering and filtering my identity. I was messy and full of flaws that when I looked in the mirror I despise my existence.
I was never beautiful, I know, I am never beautiful thats why I tried so hard in many other things to fill up those gaps, without realizing I am slowly parting myself from others. Until I realize it I was all alone, caged by my own conciousness.
I was scared, It is dark, quiet and peaceful, but my mind was never. It is scary how wide our mind could drift us away from reality. And it has its consequences, I was bombarded by it.
In those times I only have art, I play, I sing, I create songs, write and paint those insecurities. I wanna cry over and over and I did.
Because I drifted myself away from reality I became really sensitive in it. Everthing was just so overwhelming I can't breathe, and I just have to run somewhere-- Art.
Its so hard to live facing my emotions head on cause I know I'll loose, so I alwways ignored, but should I?
How could I even fix something I dont have any control over??
So I just stood there and smile bitterly, while my heart keeps getting tighter and tighter. I sometimes vent to strangers, but their is nothing that helped me more than ART.
Yet I am still so scared of it. So scared to pursue it- Cause will it even be worth it???
Will my life be better if I pursue art? Isn't very risky? Isn't harder?
I was still scared afterall.
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