Would You Defy Gravity for Me? (TBD hiatus)

Chapter 5- Its Not Winning if You Lose Everything

— im sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter!! ive been really busy with school and stuff, so i didn't have much time to write. but i finally finished chapter 5!! this will be the end of the first part of the fic. thanks for reading!! (i cant beleive 600 people have already seen this, where did you all come from??) —

5 years, 11 months before Atsushi Nakajima wins gold at the World Figure Skating Championships.

"I'm Arahabaki."

Dazai blinked. Well. He hadn't been expecting that.

Rimbaud, on the other hand, was less surprised. "I had my suspicions. I see I was correct, after all. It has been a while, Chuuya."

Chuuya took a breath before continuing. "I can't remember anything from before I turned thirteen. And I certainly haven't met you since then, so that must mean I know you from before. So- what can you tell me about my life before I turned thirteen? Actually, scratch that, did I have a life before then?"

His voice was coming out in cracks by now- He was trying his best to keep his cool, but his desperation was breaking through. His mind was racing, thoughts spinning way too quickly for him to keep himself calm. All the years of wondering who he was, of wondering if there was anyone from the before that missed him, that loved him. He'd learned to bury it, to repress it, but it was all bubbling back up now that finally, an answer was standing right in front of him.

"You really do not have any memories, do you?" Rimbaud's tone was sorrowful, as if he was mourning much more than Chuuya's fractured mind. He sighed.

"Unfortunately, I am unable to stay long enough to explain everything, despite how much I want to. I'm a judge for the ISU in Europe, you see, and I have a competition to get to. If I do not leave now, I'll miss my flight."

He took a breath, his eyes darkening with emotion as he looked at Chuuya. "I wrote this, just in case something like this happened. It contains the first thirteen years of your life. I know it's a lot, so do not feel pressured to open it until you are ready." He pulled a white envelope from his bag. Such a simple, plain piece of folded paper, yet something that contained information so huge to Chuuya.

"I... I'll be one of the judges at the World's next year, in March. It may be too much to hope for, but maybe, I'll see you there? You have great talent, Chuuya, and I only wish-"

He cut himself off with another sigh. "In any case, just know- I'm very proud of you, Chuuya. I hope to see you again soon."

And with that, he was gone, footsteps echoing around the tiled hallway. Chuuya was frozen, the envelope clutched between his fingers, the knuckles of his pointer and thumb fingers almost turning white from how hard he was pressing down. Finally, someone who could give him answers- and he was walking out the door. And Chuuya was letting him.

"Are you... are you ok?"

Chuuya snapped out of his daze, his eyes flicking to Dazai. The brunet had been silent throughout Rimbaud's monologue; Chuuya had almost forgotten he was there. He was currently giving Chuuya a weird look, as if he was deciding if he needed to be empathetic or not.

Chuuya took a breath, trying to get his thoughts in order. He put the envelope in his pocket- now wasn't exactly the place nor time to deal with it. Not to mention, Rimbaud was kinda right- even after all this time, he was scared of what was in the envelope. Scared that all of his repressed doubts, the little voices that whispered at him in the dark of his bedroom that came from the depths of his mind, would be confirmed.

"Yeah- I'm good. I'm fine. We both got what we came here for. Let's just get this over with."

He walked off without giving Dazai a chance to respond, forgetting to toss an insult at the brunet as he passed, like he usually would. Ok, maybe he was a little distracted.