GRAVESKIES

Chapter 30

Fern had never imagined that time could stop. She'd watched it go on and on for millenia, she'd watched this planet change and grow, but she'd never foreseen there could be a moment where everything in the world would stand still.

Then she saw Ryujin lie unmoving on that stretcher, shredded open with wounds, and she realized she hadn't thought this whole humanity thing through, because it was so much more than she'd bargained for.

When she realized the battle was over and Ryujin hadn't returned, Fern She'd rushed after her, running on nothing but desperation, searching through the night and through the ruin of the battlefield. The area was infested with enemies, Kran had yelled for her to come back, but it didn't matter. Fern had never known such fear. She'd watched each of her own limitations shatter before her eyes at the single thought of losing her.

They'd found Ryujin lying alone on the shore of a creek. She had been alone for hours and her wounds had gotten infected. She'd slept all the way back to the Capital regardless of the fact that deviancy supported sped-up healing, and despite all magically augmented methods implemented by Wielders.

Since the medics had set her body on the hospital bed, Fern hadn't left the room, taking the time to wonder what it was that she was feeling. One look at Ryujin's bandaged body came with the realization that hey, I know this one. Care. Conscience gave her more doubt than she could've imagined, but she never doubted this. She cared.

She'd memorized the placing and outline of every bandage. She could easily recognize which of he feathers were plastic replacements the doctors had provided and which were naturally hers. For many hours the only sound she heard was the ticking of the clock and the loneliness would drive her mad, except the option of not being here was even worse. It freaked her out twice as much because she'd seen billions of examples of human fragility. She'd seen how carelessly Death plucked people from hospital beds. She'd fistfight that godling herself if she dared to show up in here.

At some point throughout the night Fern had stood up, tiptoed over to Ryujin's side, thrown one leg over and then the other, and snuck into bed next to her. The moment her spine sunk into the mattress she'd flinched and jumped away. She couldn't do something this intimate without the other person knowing. Who would find comfort in her body, anyway?

She'd fallen back into her plastic chair.

Fern had been condemned to another sleepless night. If the Gods known how complex and painful humanity would be, maybe they wouldn't have made it at all. The more time passed in the mortal world, the more often Fern found herself laying in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, eternally searching for something she couldn't define. This search for something bigger, this constant feeling that something was missing... Humanity was latching onto her. It hurt, that feeling, it hurt so good. It was almost like what she felt around Ryujin; only then, the search had a direction. Her. Always her.

These feelings, these explosions were worth it though. Fern had no regrets for the first time. There was nothing else she'd rather spend her mortality on. If this was all that tethered her to the mortal world, she was okay.

Fern also whole-heartedly believed she must be an idiot, because when Ryujin had panicked under her, she had wanted to kiss her. She didn't really get why kissing itself meant all that much, but she knew that words were important, and so were the lips that said them. It'd probably be difficult to breathe, though. Was the suffocation part of the appeal? After all, several conversations with Sawyer had revealed to her a few surprising interests humans have.

"Goodness, child, get the hell out of here and get yourself some breakfast," said the nurse after changing Ryujin's bandages, noticing the arms Fern had wrapped around her stomach. "How long has it been since you've eaten?"