GRAVESKIES

Epilogue

Ryujin could see the grave between the tall, wavering grassblades. It was almost time to go. She smiled wistfully. Yes, almost. But she'd been missing for too long.

"Hi, Fern."

She sat in front of the headstone heavily.

"Fine, I guess I'll tell you what's been happening in my life. I know you really wanna know, because you've always been a nosy little shit."

The countryside looked like a painting that day, the dotted, wavering type, in oils, that Ryujin would discard because they are boring on paper. The poppy field was wide and heavy with names and it looked exactly like the fields Ryu had set on fire.

"I fucked up. Like, really bad. And the worst thing is, as I was doing it, in that exact moment, I have no idea what was going on inside my brain.

Also, I had my first kiss. It wasn't like in the books. Like we used to hope ours would be. Actually, it really sucked. I'm hoping I'll get another to replace it..." She scratched her head. "Kind of a stupid thing to hope for..." and then everything else was incoherent mumbling.

When they were little, Fern had made flowers just like the ones on the grave bloom. She'd shown them all to crawly, dirty Ryu, she'd shown her that she could make magic happen even for the eyes of stumpy, ugly little sisters. Ryu did not remember a time in her life when Fern wasn't taller than her. She didn't remember many times with Fern at all. Fern had always been the better one out of the two of them; if the world had needed to choose one to make it past nine years old, it should've been Fern.

Soon, the memories became too much and Ryujin raised her head to glare furiously at the gravestone. Tried to speak. Choked on it, throat closing around the words like there was no hiding the fact that anything that could come out of her mouth was disgusting. She failed once, twice, three times, it was getting embarrassing.

"You idiot, you're the worst sister I could've had, I don't even know what the fuck was wrong with you..." She'd never sounded weaker. She buried her hands into her hair. "Mom and Dad had a really hard time letting you go to war. So hard that they had to kill you. But I'm doing what you couldn't and I think you actually won. You won."

She didn't remember the last time she'd said those words to anyone. The sunset died out with mellow shimmer and the words felt like comfort. Her voice sounded like an open wound. Everything about her personhood was irreparable.

"Yeah, you're better off. I can't even say this shit to anyone, how pathetic is that?"

She wanted to make her usual promise. She wanted to swear she wouldn't come to see the taller, magical, dead Fern anytime soon. That she had resolved to stay a world away from her sister. But wouldn't it be nice...? She could stay silent this time.

The mere thought fueled the monster inside her. The voices got louder.

"I don't want you. I don't, you hear me? I don't care where the fuck you are and I don't care about your stupid face. And your freckles and shiny hair. I'll never be with you."

She got up and walked around and kicked a rock, tied up her boots against another person's headstone. Sat back down, unsettled.

"I think I really crave pity," she admitted, so quietly that she worried Fern wouldn't hear. "I think pity is secretly beautiful. I like pity. Also, I like a girl. She's new here."

Fern didn't say anything. Dumb, useless sister. Before she dashed for the escape, Ryujin glanced back for one final time, rolling her eyes. Leaning against the stone, Fern looked like she really cared about her.

"And I'm going to betray the Akan Federation."

THE END.