MEMORIES

Him

I met you I was 17 and you were 22
I remember that day I was in my head space and you asked me if I needed any help

At that time I tough you were weird for coming and talking to me

When we first meet I don't really think we liked each other like that we barely knew each other

Over the months we got to know each other and to be honest I stared like you more and more each day that went by

I remember we would talk for hours every morning

I remember looking forward to getting to see you again I got butterflies every time I saw your car park out front

I remember clearly being confused on wether or not you liked me
You used to give so many mixed signals

I got frustrated with you and made myself stop thinking about you because I knew at the time this was gonna end badly

But still every time I saw you my hands would shake and my heart would beat ten times faster

I was like that on the day you asked me out on a date
Honestly I couldn't believe what I was hearing
I thought I had zoned out for a minute

Even tho something felt off I said yes

I waited for you
I waited for you to arrived

I texted

No answer

I stayed

I mean I did pay for my ticket after all

When the race was over that's when u finally texted
You told me
"Oh I'm sorry I'm here just not with you I came with some friends of mine"
"Your not alone are you? I'd be scared out of my mind if you were"

That right there infuriated me
That day I lost hope anything could ever happen
I started to forget you
After all in a months time I'd go away to college

I hadn't seen you since that day
The day you left me hanging

And it was 3 days before my departure that you showed up

I didn't make an effort to talk to you and neither did you to talk to me
It was as if we were strangers all over again

I was fine with it honestly

But then

You asked me how I was
That's when all went down hill

You told me you liked me I couldn't believe it honestly after all the shit you put me trough

But In that moment I gained a little bit of hope we could become something more
But the minute that hope came it left me just as fast

You told me you liked me a lot that I was amazing and beautiful and charming but...

But...

That but thats what killed me inside

"But I'm not into relationship
Long distance all all that"

That's what you said

And we left it at that

Haven't talked to you since

And that's how I learned that I'm good enough to like but not love

I'm good enough to fool around but not settle down

That's how I learned I'm not good enough for anyone

Sometimes I find myself think what if
What if it had worked out
If it had in few days time we would be celebrating 1 year together

But we're not

Sometimes I'm happy it didn't happen

Sometimes I think I was the problem
Sometimes I think you were

Other times I think it was right person wrong time because we complemented each other

But again I'm bad at loving so I'm not sure what it was

I wish I did