Empress of Another World

Eighty Seven

The most caring yet the scariest word in the world.

He gave it to me.

‘Love.’

“…”

Love?

It felt unreal, but not unexpected.

Lucretius has been courting me for a while now. I knew this, but I had been ignoring it. I didn’t want to even think about it.

I knew I was being cruel to him. I could understand why he would be mad at me.

He seemed to know what I was thinking. He whispered to me.

“Don’t you think you are being too harsh to the man who loves you?”

“I…”

I couldn’t speak. I had no answer to him.

Lucretius gently kissed both of my eyelids and said to me, “I swear no matter how you feel about me, my love for you will never change.”

He seemed to know why I was so fearful and distrusting. His whisper was sweet and loving.

He continued, “I am not asking you to decide right now.”

“…”

“Like I already said, I want you to choose me because you truly want me. Just like I chose you, I want to be chosen by you.”

He took a deep breath and added, “I want to be chosen by Sa Bina.”

“I…”

My heart couldn’t take this anymore.

He continued, “So don’t feel pressured. You are doing more than enough. I realized how we met wasn’t conventional, but don’t you think you can trust me just a little bit now?”

Tears rolled down my eyes uncontrollably.

I knew this. I knew it very well.

I knew how he felt about me, but I was afraid. If I acknowledged and believed his feelings for me, I was afraid I would become weak and dependant on him.

I was doing my very best to stand on my own and survive in this dangerous world. This was because I thought there was no one who could protect me.

The very first people I met in this world betrayed me in the worst way. My current enemy, the dowager empress, was a dangerous woman. I had never felt safe since I arrived here.

Perhaps I have been treating my life as if it was just a dream. I secretly thought that one day I would just open my eyes and wake up from this nightmare. I desperately hoped and prayed for it.

Whenever I dreamt of earth or seeing my friends and family again, for a brief moment, I thought I finally woke up. However, after over a year of this life, I was tired. Waking up every morning to this hell was devastating.

Would I ever be able to go back home?

Was this a dream?

Did I even exist?

Was I really Sa Bina from earth? Was I just a crazy woman from this world who believed she came from a different world?

I couldn’t help but question everything and it made me despair. I felt weak and useless. Everything was uncertain.

I had to hide all of these overwhelming feelings. I had to appear to be strong. I had to pretend and lie.

I couldn’t trust or get close to anyone. Because I believed this wasn’t my home, I didn’t want to get to know anybody.