You Try (Even when the world doesn't want you to|| WayV Lucas Angst

Home?

Notes:

Honestly, I feel like this chapter is all over the place but tell me your thoughts in the comments!!!

Also, there might be some medical inaccuracies but I researched as much as I can so I hope it isn't so bad.

It was another beautiful feeding tube day, when Sicheng opened the door of their room with a bit more strength than strictly necessary, startling the disorders out of Xuxi...almost, at least.

The older boy paced the whole expanse of the room before settling quietly in the corner of Xuxi's bed. One would think that after years of living with the boy Xuxi would know how to read his expressions better than anyone else.

Clearly, it was not the case, as Sicheng's thoughts were as much of a mystery to Xuxi as the knowledge of where he left his mental health.

He guesses, though, it's nothing pretty if the slight crease of his brow is any indication.

Xuxi understands, to a certain extent at least, what could possibly make sweet, lovable Dong Sicheng burst through the door in such a manner. And that was him. The one and only Huang Xuxi, Wong Yukhei, who can't seem to stop causing the members pain.

Whether he likes it or not it should be easy to assume that the earlier doctor's visit wasn't exactly what any of them were expecting. Especially when the other members refused to take off their pretty glasses and see the reality of the situation for what it was: Xuxi was not recovering too well.

Time and time again Xuxi had managed to make their worlds crumble beneath them, their walls shake and their hearts break and all it had taken was him stepping on a scale and a good old blood test for Xuxi to do it again. And it wasn't like he wasn't expecting it, considering the tube currently hanging from his nose, but it still hurt listening to the doctor's words and seeing his members' dejected faces and feeling, once again, that he was not worthy of them.

And that's the thing, isn't it? Worth means...a lot to Xuxi. To an unhealthy level - his therapist would say - especially with the warped view of worth he had conjured in his mind - his therapist would insist-.

And that, that right there, is the thing. His therapist would say. His members would agree. His doctor would insist. But Xuxi? He doubts every word that comes out of their mouths. Every statement, every sentence, every lie because they insist on taking the blame off Xuxi. Insist on making it seem like it isn't him the one destroying the team. Insist on "recovery is going well".

That's why he isn't all that surprised when the doctor says recovery isn't going at the pace they wanted. His weight is still too low, his mind is still too broken, he is still too sick.

When the manager speaks to the members after they get home he feels the air tense around him the way it does when they lose their patience with him. When Kunhang stands up from the table and goes to his room and slams the door behind him, when Sicheng looks down and wipes his face before excusing himself, when Xiaojun leaves the house for hours on end, when Kun and Ten fight, when Yangyang hides in PC games until his eyes are red and his body sore...when Xuxi is not good enough.

And if it wasn't glaring enough, he'll repeat it for those in the back.

The problem is Xuxi.

Sitting there, crumpling the sheets with his hands, Sicheng looks like a fish out of water: a little bit lost, and a lot upset. The way he opens his mouth repeatedly without actually saying anything does nothing to fix the image of a fish that Xuxi has conjured in his brain. That is, of course, until the oldest looks at him with an...anger in his eyes that Xuxi hasn't seen before.