Vagary

{Fourteen}

Severus Snape had no clue what to even think as he roamed the halls that Saturday morning, watching the house elves and various other occupants of the castle make themselves busy. It was full in a way that didn't involve students, which was fine by him for now, though he could use the distraction of the little nuisances.

He'd needed the time away from his home to breathe and not be anywhere near... his wife. His mind always snapped to cruelty first, it was one of his worst traits, which was why everything he did was so calculated and purposeful. It was why he'd fallen in love with Hermione at all because her constitution and drive had been near identical to his, though she was able to be more free with her emotions than he ever had. At least she didn't have the intrusive thoughts, or so it seemed, until now.

Severus didn't want to be cruel to her. She was still his wife, from what he understood, the only thing different was her memories- as though someone had shifted his wife's soul and replaced hers with it.

Last night he'd flooed into the castle and slept in his stale old room that he'd kept for no other reason than it was attached to his office. The bed at home... well needless to say, he wouldn't be needing it anytime soon anyways.

On Sunday evening, he'd yet to encounter Remus, and this may or may not have been purposeful. It was easy to have a house elf bring him dinner and breakfast, and otherwise he used the map to avoid him. The man would tear him apart, especially because he'd always been their biggest supporter, and he hated to stick his neck out for a cause that wiped his feet from beneath him.

It was only a mere nineteen years, their age difference, he'd heard worse between much older families, and there wasn't a doubt in his mind he'd made the right decision. With his Hermione anyways.

Reminding himself that she wasn't his, he tried to be graceful in his thoughts regardless. This... version of her was still carrying the child he'd made with his wife.

Merlin his mind was a mess and no amount of occlumency was helping.

Distracted by it all, he finally and quite literally, ran into Remus that Sunday evening. He needn't ask the question, but the vocalization gave him a chance to sound less suspicious even if he didn't look it.

"What are you doing here, Sev?"

Envy filled him for Moony's perfect and secure relationship and he batted it away, shutting occlumency over it. The magic was tiring, especially after the past few days, but that didn't mean he needed to be mean to his friends for something out of his control.

"I've been triple-checking that I am prepared for the beginning of term tomorrow. Just some last-minute inventory...."

"Too many words," Lupin sniffed him out instantly. "You always get long-winded and start explaining yourself when you're lying."

Severus sighed. Why he thought he could hide from someone he'd known for over thirty years was a mystery to him. He shouldn't even have to, but he had a feeling this information getting out could hurt more than just him, and so now she was forcing him to lie to his friends. All the occluding was giving him a headache, not to mention what the wear on their bonds was doing.

"Hermione and I have had a row."

"Not the first," Remus told him, fishing for more.

"Possibly the last."

The words had slipped before he could catch them, and to say his friend looked appalled there in his sensible sweater and worn-in loafers would have been an understatement. They made the same amount of money, and Remus had inherited all of his father's ministry dues, why didn't he just buy new shoes?