"I need to go... Please Kinn I can't do this right now... Give me some time, I will not leave. I will be back and we can talk about this... Please...." That's all Porsche said before leaving Kinn's room.
Kinn wanted to pin Porsche down and just hold him there... In his embrace, Till Porsche forgave him. But he couldn't. Porsche felt so distant... Kinn felt like he didn't have the right to do that anymore.
The whole time he was in the room. Porsche's eyes barely met Kinn's.... like he was trying to hide away from Kinn.
It hurt Kinn more than anything to see Porsche like that like he broke something within Porsche.
Kinn broke the most precious thing He had..which was Porsche.
The worst part was he took away Porsche's safe place.. which was Kinn.
And he is just now realising it.
Porsche didn't say anything, he didn't need to.
Kinn can see it in Porsche's eyes. They are not playful anymore they are not challenging...they are tired, they have given up.
Kinn feels like he can't breathe... Porsche took away everything with him, the moment he walked out of this room. Kinn is scared, anxious... Fear is taking over everything. No, he cant'n lose Porsche.
Kinn will do anything to bring him back if he needed to stay away from Porsche. If that's what Porsche wanted if he needs some time to heal. Kinn will give him that. He will respect Porsche's boundaries and do whatever he wants and however he wants.
He will make Porsche realize, how important and precious Porsche is in Kinn's life. This whole empire of Kinn's didn't matter if Porsche was not standing by his. He wanted Porsche to be the one holding his hand till the end, he wanted Porsche to be his other half and rule the world with him.
All he wants is his Porsche back... Kinn will do anything and everything for him. But he will not lose Porsche.
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It was hard to not let him in... Hard to not look into his eyes... Hard to not kiss him.
That's why Porsche had to leave. He needed to hold onto his feelings and hide them from Kinn.
He can't let Kinn know what he was thinking or what he was going to do.
Porsche had made up his mind... He will leave in a week as it was planned.
But he doesn't know how to tell Kinn. How will Kinn react, will he let Porsche leave?
Maybe it's better for Kinn to not know about anything. It's better for both of them if Porsche leaves silently.
Kinn is not someone Porsche deserves forever.
He can never even imagine now....having Kinn as his forever. Kinn is too out of his reach. He is too precious to be with someone as damaged and as small as Porsche.
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But
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What if Porsche wanted to be with Kinn... Porsche can live the life he once dreamed of with Kinn.
Maybe he can have Kinn. He wants to loose himself in Kinn and forget about everything.... He wanted to hug Kinn and feel the safest in his embrace for one last time.
