Sacrament of Penance

5. The dinner

Tobirama and Izuna lived in a little house in a cul de sac. When me and Izuna arrived, Tobirama stood in the kitchen, frying something that smelled delicious on the stove.

"Oh my God, you are so fucking cute", Izuna said when he saw Tobirama was wearing an apron.

I had to agree my little brother did look cute in it, especially since he was still in his shirt, good trousers and glasses. Tobirama smiled and came and kissed his husband, who had to reach up on his toes to kiss my little brother back. 

Izuna made a salad, refusing help from me, and then, they both helped each other placing everything on the table. I was just about to sit down on my usual place opposite Izuna and Tobirama, who always sat next to one another, when Izuna stopped me.

"Umm, Hashi?" I looked up. Izuna was blushing. Tobirama looked to the side, scratching his head. "Would you mind... Sitting next to me on the other side of T?"

I frowned. Then, I decided not to question it, but sat at one short side, to Izuna's left, as Tobirama sat on his right. 

We started eating the gnocchi in a creamy tomato sauce cooked with parmesan, and soon, the conversation was flowing effortlessly between us, and I managed to forget Izuna's request. There was no tension between the couple, but rather a carefulness, as if they were afraid they would tread on each other's toes. 

"Thank you", I said after we had finished. "It was delicious."

We went and sat in the couch in their living room, the television showing a documentary about whales in the background, talking while Izuna served his home-made blackberry sorbet ice cream which he knew was my favourite. We kept talking, me and Tobirama sandwiching Izuna between us.

But then, the sorbet was finished, and the conversation died, and something changed between the three of us. I didn't know how it happened, but it was as crystal clear as if one of the documentary whales would have been dropped in the living room right in front of us.

Tobirama shuffled closer to Izuna, forcing him to shuffle closer to me. Tobirama put a hand on Izuna's thigh, causing his him to jerk and moan a bit. 

But Izuna didn't move.

I frowned. I had never seen such an intimate display of affection from them in front of anyone else before, especially me. But it didn't make me feel uncomfortable. Instead, I felt a pleasant tug far, far down in my stomach.

"Hashirama."  It was Tobirama. I looked at him, and his eyes captured mine. "Share him with me."

Whatever I had expected, this wasn't it. In fact, I hadn't expected anything except the delicious food they always provided me with and a good conversation. I looked down on Izuna, who was blushing like a madman, refusing to look at me. It was clear this was something the two of them had talked about. And it was clear that Izuna wanted me.

I want him, too, I realised. I had never had any feelings towards Izuna except for the fierce protectiveness you felt towards a younger close friend. But right now, in this moment, I wanted this man.

And I thought about God. Relationships were forbidden. Sex was forbidden. But what if it wasn't sex but right at the very edge of it? It was probably also forbidden, but I didn't want it to be.

Izuna whispered something, making me resurface, but I hadn't heard what he said. I put a hand on his head, and he immediately leaned in. I heard Tobirama suck in his breath.

"What?" I asked Izuna.

"Please..." he repeated.

I cast one final look at Tobirama. We were siblings, with no desires to get involved with each other. But in that moment, a mutual understanding was passed between us that we would share this man both of us loved so much in between us.