Another morning, another morning she didn't want to wake up. Her head pounding, mindless thoughts mixing with the hangover from last night. The bed is empty. Cassie knew she kicked Josh out after the incident but she didn't want to believe it actually happened. Something she wanted to forget so bad. Something to be added onto all the trauma and baggage from her childhood. It's exhausting. Her therapist told her that her mental health is getting worse and that she needs to consult a psychiatrist. Her body becoming pale and skeletal, her hair starting to thin out. Her head hazy from the lack of nutrition, the lack of sleep, the lack of basic human needs.
She was clueless of what to do with herself. The feeling of his hands on her, the tears streaming down her face, the feeling of being repulsed by someone she loved so dearly. It never left her body, the betrayal she had felt that night. It all hurt, it all stabbed at her. Disgust, anger, pain, sadness all meshed into one feeling of heartbreak. Her will to live is slowly depleting, her mental health slowly deteriorating. Like a hard candy in a cup of water, sure it doesn't dissolve right away but it still is slowly rotting away. Days dragged on, her isolation became more noticeable, she had become more irritable at work. Her substance abuse was getting worse, the feeling of her blunt burning the back of her throat, the bitter taste of alcohol on her tongue. Doing anything to at least feel something again, to feel the warmth of the alcohol in her empty stomach or the burning smell of weed in her nostrils. Her ashtray filled up with cigarette butts and her floor scattered with unwashed laundry. Her years of progress, the years of self harm and of being sober down the drain because of Josh. Because he HAD to touch her, he HAD to fuck her, he HAD to use her. The feeling of him could never be wiped from her skin, no matter how hard she scrubbed, no matter how many times she made herself bleed. It would never be forgotten.
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