still friends

Chapter 18: New Day

May 9th, 2028

Solitude is something he had always craved, but now that he had it he wasn't so sure. He's completely and utterly alone, and he's the only person to blame.

I fucking hate you, is something that had crossed his lips.

Kate is only here because she needs parents, not because she actually wants anything to do with you, he had screamed.

I'm glad your family was fucking snapped, he had sobbed.

He's pretty sure that was the last straw.

Bucky doesn't know what cruel god had allowed him into the lives of Laura and Clint, but he knew it was an unfair one. They were nothing but good to him, and he despised them for it. They did more for him than Wanda or anyone ever could. Cleaned for him, cooked his meals, washed him. Held his hand, told him the truth.

And still he'd said all those things.

It was painful, watching them go. Knowing they wouldn't come back. He'd finally broken them down, shown them who he really was. He was someone who didn't deserve friends like Laura and Clint.

He was crushing them, holding them back. Ruining their family.

He gave them the push that they needed, freeing them of the burden that is himself.

Sam had reached out a few times, even stopped by his apartment, but Bucky had screamed at him, threatened his sister, and that had been enough to stop Sam from ever trying again. Good for him.

Sif stopped showing up in the mornings, but he was still able to get his alcohol, and he was happy that she hadn't taken that away too. Maybe she had rekindled things with Thor, maybe they'd made up.

He hopes they did.

Curled on the floor of his shower, Bucky holds his knees to his chest, the tears mixing with the water and feels himself tremble.

This is all he deserves. The bottom of the barrel. He had thought that was Hydra, the brain washing, but he'd been wrong. He's an alcoholic, but his super soldier body refuses to give in, refusing to let him succumb to the addiction.

The people in his life didn't deserve to be around that. Not even her.

He loves them, all of them, with his entire being, but he wants them to think the opposite. Let them think the worst of him; that way, they won't mourn when he's gone.

May 27th, 2028

Bucky is so inebriated he can't even attempt to workout. Not that he's been working out these past few weeks anyway, but at least the venture had been made. He slouches on the front door, his feet wobbly in his view, and he lurches, feeling the vomit rising before it happens. Spilling the little contents of his stomach onto the sidewalk, he presses his face against the glass of the door, the cool feeling soothing against his hot skin.

The 24hour gym is completely empty, and he's grateful no one is around to see him like this. It's pathetic really, and he sniffs, eyes trying to focus on the tv. He can't hear it from outside, but he squints, makes out figures on the screen.

Lead is lighter than his blood when he sees her.

Dressed in white, Wanda is ethereal. She looks nervous, her hands twisting on the arm of Clint as he walks with her down a stretch of carpet.

Bucky is breathing harshly as he reads the headline outloud.

"Avengers...renew vows in..m-much anticipated w-wedding renewal."

Clint pats the hand that is on his arm gently, handing her over to a patient and handsomely-dressed Vision. They smile at one another and lace their fingers. Bucky can't hear but their mouths move as a priest opens his bible, eyes only for each other. The priest begins his sermon, and the camera panels over the crowd.