Waiting for the Sun

Chapter 7: finally.

The efforts of the previous day were going to waste. Amity's world was slowly falling apart around her. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking, making trying to focus on the impossibly tiny font professors insist on using much harder to click on. But she managed, and her heart leaped up from her chest into her throat.

She had failed her most recent exam.

She was failing a class.

Amity Blight was failing a class.

Amity Blight was failing.

The girl's breath quickly grew rapid, her heart ready to jump out of her throat and go running off on its own little adventure. She refreshed the page, again, a third time, and every time it didn't go away Amity felt herself coming closer to crying outright and never leaving her apartment again.

She wasn't independent. She wasn't strong. She couldn't handle herself. The walls were closing in on her, and she couldn't do anything, because she was not a smart, well behaved, perfect and straight A Blight. She was a failure, who couldn't stand on her own two feet with a written guide.

That aside, she still needed to breathe, so she went back to the years of therapy that never really helped, and tried to remember the only thing that her therapist suggested that she knew worked.

Focus on something else.

Amity's arm darted around her room...Not her computer, no, bad idea. Wall? Too boring. Clock? No, time passing was scary, she would much rather time didn't exist right now, and that's what she was going to pretend was the case.

Perhaps the lava lamp Edric had gotten for her birthday two years ago. Lava lamps were always interesting. When they worked.

Her pillow? One stained well beyond recovery a deep mint green from all the time she had spent with her hair being very green.

Nothing. She could tell that wasn't working, nothing in her room.Something else.

Boscha! Boscha is nice. She's always caring and protective. She's offered to kick so many peoples asses I've lost count. And there was that time she skipped class and brought in a-

Amity's train of thought stopped there as she remembered that was also the day she got her first ever A minus and had to be sent home early from school because she wouldn't stop crying.

Willow! Willow is always so supportive, she's always been there for me. And Gus too! They've always been there to help me when things are going haywire...And I've been there for them! At least I think I have...Yeah!...Yeah?

Amity then reconsidered how much time she spent with Willow and Gus talking with them rather than asking for help, and decided that guilty is another emotion she didn't want to be feeling right now.

She tried to think of something, anything. She even tried giving her siblings a moment of thought. She didn't manage more than 2 seconds without gagging, but she tried! But eventually, after her brain had roll-o-dex'ed its way through everyone she had met at college, then highschool, then elementary school, even that one summer "magic camp" that she swore never to think about ever again, her brain did manage to settle on someone.

"Luz..."

Luz. She was supposed to hang out with her today. While normally the thought of that would send her stomach up into her throat, it was comparatively calm and easy to think about right now. She might even go so far as to say it was a pleasant thought. Which was probably severely unhealthy in many, many ways, but Amity wasn't focusing on how the fact that someone who had spent the last week or so truly tormenting her was grounding her and what that says about her current mental state. She was just focused on Luz, because thinking about Luz made her breathe easier.

There was a lot about Luz she could think about. The way her smile was always beaming and brilliant, how her teeth bounced the sun around like mirrors, the way she laughed when they were together. The way she gets into her music when she's driving, even when Amity can't understand a word of what's being said. The way that Luz was seriously, seriously strong. And fit.

Amity could think about the way the sun danced around Luz's figure that one evening. How she swore she saw Luz smile at the ground and how she was very sure she even saw Luz Fucking Noceda blush. Amity could think about if she wasn't such a pussy, and if she had just stepped forward that evening, put her arms around Luz's waist, and leaned in and could've...

Or Amity could splash some cold water in her face and think about how she has to go and get dressed for the day.

Deep breath....and out....

The day belonged to her, and Amity planned to make the most of it before meeting up with Luz for their da- Before meeting up with Luz. She had errands she could run and stuff she could do, you know, like a responsible adult who's becoming independent. Amity took a step outside her door, and took in the bright California morning sun as it lit the sky a deep royal blue and set the ground alive with color, light bouncing from the smooth pavement and dazzling her eyes a bit.

And just as she was about to set off for the day, she noticed something at her feet. It was a milk crate, with a small black tarp over top of it and a note from none other than Luz. A handwritten note from Luz, for once. Bless the girl, her handwriting showed how hard she was trying to make it legible. After deciphering that the note said to "keep this safe for tonight", Amity lugged the surprisingly heavy mystery crate up to her apartment. She shoved it past the door with her shoe, and then finally, triumphantly, set foot outside.

Her walk was pleasant, and surprisingly not that thoughtful. Whereas normally Amity's mind would be scrolling through random bullshit throughout the day on her walks, debating various things in various ways and trying to calm her anxiety about it all, her brain stayed quiet today. A welcome change. And that is when she heard the familiar clicks of plastic wheels.

"Morning," Luz said, voice sandy and groggy. She popped her skateboard up into her fingertips as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"Well aren't you bright eyed and bushy tailed!" Amity laughed, Luz groaning as a smile snuck onto her face despite her demeanor.

"This is how I wake up," She said, giving her board a rap with her knuckles, "So sue me."

Amity stretched a little bit, "Well I can't say I blame you."

Luz nodded, yawning. Amity let her shoulders fall. She could do this.

"I appreciate you stopping on your way but...I'm kinda wanting to have this morning to myself," Amity said, shyly taking hold of her arm.

Luz smiled, giving Amity a surprisingly friendly pat on the back, "No worries, Blight. We're still on for tonight, though, right?"

Amity nodded, smile creeping back, "Yep. Your place. Nine-ish."

Luz beamed, jogging ahead. Her board hit the ground and she rode off, quickly turning back to call out to Amity, "See you then!"

"See you then, babe," Amity said quietly, before touching her fingers to her lips. She really, really hoped Luz hadn't heard that. Or was still looking at her, because she was probably looking like a very dumb tomato with green hair. A dumb, green haired tomato, going on a date with a dominican beauty tonight. If it even is a date. Which it probably isn't.

Deep breath. Take a deep breath, Amity thought, you just stood your ground and set a boundary, and she respected it. You have the day to yourself.