My Sunshine, Her Stars (Re Upload)

Anxiety

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. I couldn't think. Everything was blurry and scary. The only thing I could feel was pure panic. My heart was beating out of its chest. My breathing, or lack there of, was shallowed and quick. Why? Why was this happening again? My day had started off fine. I had woken up to my lovely wife sleeping peacefully next to me, the clouds from the rainstorm casted shadows over her beautiful face. The beauty of being an early riser is that I always woke before Narcissa. Meaning I had the privilege of watching her sleep. And she looked just as ethereal in sleep and she did awake. So this morning, before waking up to go about my day, I watched the love of my life sleep peacefully through the storm.

I placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and got up to make some coffee and finish the newest book I was currently invested in.

Narcissa had joined me a bit later in the library where I had situated myself with a cup of coffee and my book, curled up in our armchair next to the fire.

I was so enthralled with my book I didn't hear her come in. I didn't register anything until I felt her gentle lips kiss my cheek.

"Good morning my love."

"Guten Morgen meine liebe." I replied.

Narcissa blushed at my welcome. She always loved it when I spoke in German to her. Being an Albrecht, most of my ancestors were from Germany and I had decided very young that I wanted to learn my mother tongue.

"I have some errands to run this afternoon Eda. Is there anything you need from Diagon Alley?" She asked softly.

I shook my head and patted my lap for her to sit down.

She grinned and took her place on my lap, allowing me to wrap my arms around her as I finished the last few chapters of my book.

I hadn't told her, but I had been feeling really low lately. My depression had come back with a fury and I was finding it harder and harder to get up. My students were currently on summer holiday which meant I wasn't working. Cissy and I spent most of our time together and I didn't want to bother her. She has enough on her plate at the moment and I didn't want to be a bother.

I hadn't realized I had been staring at the same page for ten minutes until Narcissa brought me back to reality.

"Darling... are you alright?"

"Hmm? Oh uhm yes I'm fine."

My voice sounded feint and far off. Thats how I felt. Apparently I had let my guard slip because Narcissa raised a brow at me.

"Eda, you've been acting off lately. I'm worried." She said worriedly.

I kissed her cheek.

"I'm ok. Just a lot on my mind." I replied.

Narcissa opened her mouth to argue but closed it.

"Alright. I have to go, but I'll be back soon. I love you little dove." She said, giving me a soft smile.

"I love you too petal. I'll be here."

Narcissa left a few minutes later. The roar of the fireplace signaling that I was alone.

I immediately missed her warmth. Her presence soothed me in ways nobody could understand. Thats when the familiar feeling began to creep up.

"Fuck." I whispered to no one.

I tried distracting myself. I flipped on the tv, trying to immerse myself into mindless media, but nothing worked.

I felt my heart rate speed up as my thoughts drowned out everything in the room.