Sexy Facts

Part Three: The Only Thing You Should Be Expecting From Me is a Headache

PART THREE: THE ONLY THING YOU SHOULD BE EXPECTING FROM ME IS A HEADACHE

Expectation. Its a dirty word. Now that you've had sex now you have to navigate the confusing maze that is sex and the expectations put on it. Now that you've done it your partner is probably expecting some things from you. Mostly more sex and heres some common themes you may come across:

IF SOMEONE BUYS YOU SOMETHING YOU OWE THEM SEX-I'm sorry what was that? Something about me automatically being indebted to you for a cocktail or a sparkly bracelet? Uh, no. I don't 'owe' anyone anything and neither do you. Don't feel guilted to do anything you don't want to do. You're not a paid escort and people shouldn't expect you to act like one unless you say they can.

YOU NEED TO WAX: Nope. I don't. Men these days have a preconceived notion about what a woman's body should look like. They look at porn stars and celebrities and think that's who I want to have sex with. They're shaved and perfectly manicured with these perfect vaginas. So why doesn't his girlfriend look like that? Because its your vagina. You can do whatever the hell you want to with it. He may be visiting the theme park but he isn't running it and he sure as hell doesn't tell you how to decorate. Sure its more sensitive without the hair but it call comes down to personal preference.

ONCE YOU START YOU CAN'T SAY 'STOP': Yes you can. You can say stop whenever you want and your parented should stop as soon as you do. Your body, your call. You have a voice for a reason and they have ears for a reason, to hear you. They have to respect that or they can find the door.

HE NEEDS TO BRING THE CONDOMS: Everyone should bring condoms and they should always be used unless your in a committed relationship with someone you know is disease free and you have some way of keeping the baby scares to a minimum of zero. Lesbians, you don't need to bring condoms just do you and god love your bank accounts for not having that expense on it.

'NO' MEANS CONVINCE ME: Nope. It means 'no' and I mean it. If you try to guilt me into it I have every right to punch you in the face. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I shouldn't have to listen to you trying to persuade me to do anything i'm not into. I said no, leave it at that.

YOU NEED TO GIVE ME SEX OR I'LL CHEAT: Okay then, go on cheat see how sad I when I burn your shit in my front yard. Obviously you're an asshole anyway and I don't need that shit in my life. Besides winter is coming and your fifty dollars shirts do look mighty flammable....

Thats just the tip of the iceberg of shit you might here but if you just stick to your guns it'll all be fine.

UP NEXT: PART FOUR-YOU PUT THE ASS IN HARASSMENT>>>>>