Untitled Feeling

I'm in pain.

"D-do you even like me?" I asked at him. 

His eyes never felt complete for me anymore. His eyes show sadness and that's making me feel hard. I never like this. 

He can't even look at me anymore. "I don't like this, Jada." whispered in the wind. I felt the excruciating pain feeling inside of me. 

I gulped.

My eyes started to sting. "T-tignan mo ko, Deci. Anong meron? B-bakit?" calmly said to him even though I'm breaking.

Shook his head and bit his lower lips. Looking so hard for this situation with me.

My daydream that memories I'll never forget everything when i saw him personally. Seated near the window with his wondering eyes. 

I just can't shove the passion I felt since then. We talk about what happen on yesterday, for tomorrow and then the future. He drived me to places that I'll never share to anyone. 

The shape of him that I'll forever treasure. Told me that i need to pass everything for us to graduate. He's never selfish. Pursue me to do the things I'm scared of. Day by day, I started fishing on things that he likes. 

Even though it keeps me awake even in straight dark light. I'm willing to do it just to understand what he's posting about. Stalking where is he going, looking for his friends just to find what he like, dislike and what keeping him strong.

He came to me too strong. That I need to personally bring down my walls. Just his eyes and voice that will bring me on knees. Stared at him all the damn time. Even in night he keeps roaming in my mind. Scenarios kept running back in forth in my insanity. The night felt not lonely at all. 

I'm always excited for Tuesday. Like my body don't felt right when it's not Monday night. Even it is school day, full of works, performance and recitation. I'll gladly accept it just to stare for years at him. And I'm not getting tired of it. 

Staring at the ceiling, he saw me at my worst state and saw me walked away from everything. First, I was ashamed of that. But, I learned.

Every time that are eyes will attach I can't hide the smile on my lips. My heart is skipping a beat, all my worst happening on the whole week is now forever gone. Thinking about how he can do that just the way I glance at him.

Cafeteria with friends. He walks there with no one, got something and eat it on the side. Me and my friends on one table talking while my eyes never leave him even though he never feel me. It is exciting seeing him alone there enjoying himself. 

My hands on my jaw watching him eat. It's like a TV series that I'll never leave that channel. The way his cheeks move is just so cute. One of her friends came. 

And every time he'll approach a girl that isn't me, I'm always getting angry. I don't want to see him smiling, grinning, and specially treating it the same way as mine. It is hitting my nerve. He is so precious to me. That I can't close the distance between us because of my nervousness. And I'm envious with his friends how they laugh comfortably with him while I'm freezing.