FINDING MR WRONG (B1)

Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Present-day...
Seeing him again was a shock. Watching him stand at her front door was an even bigger shock. She's moving on. She truly doesn't want me anymore. At first, I thought she was just confused still, so I agreed to give her space to breathe. You know, to see if she'd miss me. Sadly, it's backfired on me. She's felt freedom and now she's found him and now I'm screwed. What the hell do I do now? This kid's probably perfect for her. He's about her age too, and he's got a steady business. I've no doubt he'd probably make her smile. Hell, he owns a music store. Trust me, it's like a playroom for her. All I can do is fix old cars up. I've even opened a garage to do more stuff like that. I also taught her how to drive, but she refuses to take one of my cars; says she'll save the money herself. Another reason I love her is that she's so independent. I had to think fast when he'd shown up at her door. I had to tell her I still want her. I don't want him or anyone else to have her. I want her still. Damn it, I always have.
As time moved on from that day at my ex's place, I've grown to love her more than life itself. She's all I've ever wanted and more. I know I messed up, but I've been trying here. But now he's here and I'm not there with her, making sure she didn't forget about me. Christ, she's going to forget me, won't she?

"What should I do, buddy? Should I keep on fighting for your mummy, or do I move on? Do I leave her to be happy with him? Should I give up? Is there even a point to keep going now?" I asked Jamison while he played with his new Thomas DVD case.
"Mammy, Mammy." He sang.
"Yeah, I know, buddy. I wish she were here too. I wish she could see just how much I still love her." I take a deep breath, feeling devastated. "I think it's time, son. I need to let her go. I'm hoping he'll bring back the sparkle in her eyes. Hell, lord knows I've tried. But maybe if she spends time with him, maybe then she'll miss me? I don't know, I'm kinda at a loss now. Maybe I should take grandpa's advice, huh? I need to stop chasing her. If I pull my energy back, maybe it will give her room to breathe? Then she can figure out her feelings for me. You know, if she still has any at all."

Suddenly, a tear rolled down my cheek, and I had to wipe it away before Jamison saw it. He's too young to see his old man cry. He doesn't need to see my pain of losing the only other good thing in my life. The other two are my kids. But Jolie is my soulmate. I just know she is, but I destroyed everything. I lost her by being the coward I am. I should've fought for her. I should've told her I loved her the moment I had figured it out. I knew I loved her when I looked into her eyes that first day in town. I lost all my senses that day. I was consumed, but then guilt got the better of me. She was right, I loved her, but my guilt got in the way.
I'm not making excuses, but I've been in and out of therapy since leaving the army. I've struggled to cope with all the things I'd seen overseas. I've struggled with everything, and separation was a big one. I knew I should've walked at the beginning. I should've stayed away from Jolie, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to get to know her.
What I feel for her is way more than what I ever felt for my ex-wife. Sadly, she'd played on my insecurities and my head, so I stayed out of guilt. Even though I told her how I felt about Jolie, and that when we return home from her aunt's funeral, I'm leaving. I wanted to be with Jolie, but she begged me to stay, telling me I owed her after being away for so long. Then she began telling me how Jolie will eventually find someone else. When I get older, she'll want someone her age.
She threw every scenario in my face, swaying me to stay with her instead of Jo. I've felt nothing but guilt every day since I walked away from the only woman I truly loved. Out of sheer guilt, knowing she'd be better off without me, I walked away.
The day at the hospital, when Karah figured it out, was the last straw for me. I had completely lost my shit. I not only broke her heart, but also Jo's and my son's. "Dad, what were you thinking? She was my best friend. How could you do it?" Karah asked while tears streamed down her face. All I could do was look at her. I wanted to tell her I fell hard, that's why. Sadly, I just couldn't pull the words. I couldn't put more heartache on my family.
Eventually, everything became too much. It broke me, and I locked myself away. For days, I couldn't function. I was so bad that while my family was falling apart, I drank myself into a coma. It wasn't until Jolie showed up after Jamison was taken to the hospital. I couldn't do it any longer. Not only was I completely lost, but I was so mad at hearing her words. Yeah, she was right, but it still hurt. I was so mad at not only her, but my ex. Every damn thing I put them through topped off with what I've seen over the years, I lost it. I exploded and lost my shit. I swear, I'd never harm a hair on her head.
I've been getting my own head sorted since that day. I knew I couldn't carry on like that, so I've been getting all the help available to me. It helps Jo's allowed me in their lives though. That's been an immense help in my recovery to get better, not only for her, but for Jamison too. He needs me just as much as I need him.
Since I've been in his life, I had the idea to get another tattoo from my nephew, Drew. He works at a studio called "Phoenix Ink" he's pretty popular there, too. My sister works alongside Karah's mother. Well, not in the same ward, but in the same hospital. What did I get? Well, since he's crazy about Thomas, I got the little blue train with Jamison's name placed on its side instead of his number. He loves it. Karah just rolled her eyes and chuckled.