i need you here with me - brance

chapter 7: depression

pov: vance

they finally let us all leave the hospital, i was glad to go home to ma but i didn't want to leave bruce's side. i never realized after being with him for so long in the basement i kind of forgot what it was like to not look up and see him sitting in the corner of the room with me. ma came and picked me up on saturday, i said bye to all the guys and left. it had been a couple weeks since we all went home, i hadn't visited any of them. to be honest, i hadn't done anything. i sat in my room, all day, all night. ma started to get worried after i stopped eating, i didn't want her to so i just sucked it up and ate. i wanted to go outside, i wanted to see bruce, see everyone. but i couldn't, i couldn't do it. all i could do was lay down and stare at the wall. i couldn't sleep either, the days just became one and i barley remembered the last time i showered.

"vance, honey. you gotta get up, please?" my mother sighed, "i miss you, i want to spend time with you. cmon let's go out just you and me, have lunch or somethin?" i could feel her smiling at me.

"not today, ma." i mumbled, my back turned to her.

"alright, baby. let me know if you need anything." she left.

i felt guilty, i know she needs me but i couldn't face her. after what i had done. i killed him. i was a murderer. my ma didn't deserve this, she deserves a good son; someone who does well in school and school and doesn't get into fights, someone who she wouldn't have to worry about, pray and cry for every night, someone who had a future. i didn't deserve her. i didn't deserve anything. i was a vile, disgusting creature, a monster.

days later

i had graduated from not moving to not talking. at this point, i wasn't even a person anymore. i sat in my room, all day, all night. staring at the posters on my walls. my old band tee was tattered and dirty from being worn so much, my hair was disgusting and my teeth were worse. but i couldn't do anything.

"vancey? you got a visitor." ma knocked on my door, i sat up and stared at the door. for some reason my heart was racing and i felt almost scared?

"hey, vance" i recognized that voice, that sort of raspy, high pitched, sweet voice; i immediately felt a rush of warmth surround me.

i stood up, for the first time in a while and walked over to the door, slightly hiding behind it. i opened it slowly.

"oh.. hey?" i mumbled, my voice was tired and raspy from not speaking for so long.

"i missed you." bruce clung himself onto me in a hug.

"oh uh- me too." i said, awkwardly hugging him back.

could he not notice i smelled like actual shit?

"where have you been?" he asked, a goofy grin on his face.

"here." i laughed a little.

i had completely forgotten about my shitstain of a room which looked like a pigsty.

"i didn't know you were coming.." i smiled, feeling horrible for my current appearance.

"oh yeah, sorry about that." he chuckled a little, "can we talk?"

"oh- sure." i mumbled, inviting him in.

"are you okay? no one has heard from you in weeks, we've all gone back to school but you haven't. we were worried- i was worried." bruce rambled on, with a worried expression on his face.

"oh. i'm fine, just a little- you know." i smiled a little.

"you know i'm here for you. you can always talk to me." bruce said, staring me in the eyes.

i felt my cheeks turning pink and my heart fluttered a little. what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

"i know, thanks." i said, looking away.

"let's go out. me and you, wherever you wanna go"

"right now?" i mumbled, "bruce, i.. i cant do it." my face dropped.

"why not?"

"bruce. why are you here?" i said, my voice stern.

"because i missed you? i was worried." bruce mumbled, his voice shaking.

"you know what i mean, bruce. i'm not a good person. i don't need your fucking pity." i said, raising my voice.

"i never said that vance. you are a good person."

"get the fuck out." i mumbled, staring at the floor.

"no, vance i-"

"GET. THE. FUCK. OUT." i yelled at him.

bruce looked at me, his eyes welling up with tears as he got up and left.

my door slammed shut.

"fuck. what the fuck. shit shit shit." i stood up, bashing my foot into the wall until a hole appeared.

"FUCK." i yelled.

why the fuck did i do that? what's wrong with me?

the next day.

someone knocked on my door again, it was bruce.

"what do you want, bruce." i said, sighing.

"you, i want you to come out." bruce said, smiling.

"why? are you stupid? i told you to fuck off yesterday did you forget, dipshit?" i growled at him.

"you didn't mean it." bruce said, he looked at my eyes and i knew he saw right through me.

i don't deserve him, he's too good for me. i don't deserve his love, or his pity, or even his friendship.

"i did." i mumbled.

"no, you didn't." bruce said, budging past me.

"okay, rude?" i said staring at his back as he walked down the hallway, he turned back and grabbed my arm.

"yo, what the fuck man?" i said.

"shut up." he said, pushing me into the bathroom.

"what the actual fuck." i sighed.

he pushed me into the shower, fully dressed and turned it on.

"you wont get up, your mom told me what's going on vance. i'm not stupid. i know what's wrong." he sighed, "i need you, if your all depressed then where does that leave me?" he sighed.

i looked down. "sorry." i mumbled, i couldn't face him, "but why the fuck did you put me in the shower? my clothes are all wet?" i looked down and myself and laughed.

"because you need to shower, nasty ass." he laughed at me.

to be honest, if anyone else had pushed me into a shower fully dressed i would've knocked their teeth into their skull. but bruce was different, he was special.

"thanks, now get out so i can finish." i laughed, splashing a little water at him.

fuck. i loved him.
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authors note: a little angsty today , might make som people sad 😜😜😜 idk tho, lowkey vance is just like me in this chapter!! ty for reading tho!!!