shades of lavender.

initium.

I do not remember the last time I felt real. Everything was nothing to everything and I was not really the best in a lot of things. I just try and it does not even make sense at times.

I was hated while growing up--and yet I tried to fit in every puzzle piece so I could be in every crowd. I hated not fitting in, even if that meant I had to cut a part of me every now and then. I hated a lot of things but I tried to make them real, tried to make them me, tried to love them even though I  never saw myself within those shoes.

I was my mother's favorite child and I hated being her favorite because that meant I had to take Kuya Chyle's wrath and Kuya Chyro's half-baked love. Kuya Chyro never wanted the attention, Kuya Chyle wanted every bit of it and I had everything that they wanted.

So I was a fake at home. I was a fake at school. I was a fake in every single bit of my life but on the internet. On the internet, I was genuine, I was real, I was crazy, I was me.

But then again, some things are not meant to last forever......

Little by little, the facades I had were uncovered and everyone was looking at the sad, little, messy liar that I was. Everyone was nearing to my hopes of never being known.

I was afraid to be seen more than how I show myself so I hid within every paragraph that I could create, but I never saw the monster I created out of myself.

She was me and I was her but she was evil and I hated it...

But then again.....

I don't know if any of this is real.

So maybe my existence is nothing but an absence in this world. Maybe I was never real and I was a hallucination of my family, my classmates, myself....

Down and down into the rabbit hole I fell, and when the world for me was about to end, I saw the light that made me go home.

Lavie, there is a world that trembles with your touch.

You should not feel sad anymore.

-

Date started: 13-06-2024

Date ended: xx xx xxxx