The Empty Ones (Fantasy Romance)

3. The second sex

In the eighteen star-circles I have lived so far, I have learned that there are moments that shape the trajectory of our lives significantly. That morning, when I woke up aching all over, I could feel the change almost physically in my bones. 

My life had been quite linear till my father died. I thought it to be sad, lonely, and unjust, but that morning when I woke up with the throbbing pain at the back of my neck, I understood that, even if imperfect, the life I used to have had been quite privileged. There are different degrees of freedom, I think, and that muffled pain had just stripped me of yet another one, but that I was going to understand only later.

After I lost consciousness during the ceremony of the white stone, I was quite convinced my life ended, but that throbbing pain made me wake and convinced me it wasn't over yet. Whatever torment my life was bound to be from that moment on, it was only beginning.

"You didn't die," said a somehow familiar voice.

"Is that a question?" I muttered and tried to tilt my head toward the one who talked. It was dark in the room, but Mairi was awake, staring at me from her bed.

"Why are you awake?"

"I wanted to see if you would die. I wagered three silver coins you would," she said unapologetically.

"You are awful," I answered resentfully.

"Maybe, but who cares. Life is hard."

"I do. Did..." My throat was dry, and every time I tried to swallow, it hurt so much that tears gathered in my eyes. "... someone bet that I would survive?"

That damn moment seemed too similar to the night before.

"Only Salma, as if her prissy ass isn't lucky enough already. Why didn't you do what I told you, stupid!?"

"It hurt... anyway, and I thought you lied to trick me."

"Now you know better than to question my words ever again, weed."

"What?"

Mairi stood up and brought a water cup to my lips. That time I drank without question.

"Weed. That's what you are called now."

"By whom?"

"Us."

"Why? It sounds ugly."

"Because you just wouldn't die, like a weed. The White Grace said your heart stopped for a bit and they thought you were dead, but then it started beating again."

"They probably didn't check well," I answered, knowing that it was really hard, even for magic healers, to restart a heart that had stopped.

Physically, I started feeling better bit by bit, but my mind was still torn between fear and some strange sort of anger. 

"When will this thing stop hurting?" I asked, bringing my hand to the back of my neck."

"In a few weeks," answered Mairi nonchalantly. "It depends on the person. Not sure what the rule is, but I was in pain for weeks, and so was Chioma. Salma was fine within days, and the others didn't tell me."

"I am afraid," I confessed, not sure why, knowing that Mairi would probably only have a snarky remark at hand and make fun of me.

"Of what?" she asked instead, and I was a bit surprised.

"Of the future. Of this place. Of what will become of me."

"Nothing memorable, I'd wager, but you seem to be blue-blooded since you are in the wife classes." She shrugged. "All our destinies are bound to be similar. At some point, after we come of age, we will be bought off by a rich enough family to benefit from whatever this service is called, but not noble or rich enough to get an actual magic-bearing girl, and forced to breed. If you are lucky and produce a magic-bearing child, you're good; if not, it's likely to be worse." Her tone was nonchalant, or she was trying to make it sound that way, but somehow I didn't believe her to be so detached.