The Love I Found

Chapter 10

We've been on a bus for hours, including one stop to transfer to a different bus partway through. I used the time to find a bathroom, and Cal mumbled something about needing an ATM and a cigarette.

My eyes grow heavy as I stare out the window and watch the headlights of the vehicles that share the highway with us.

Cal insisted that I sit by the window, and his large body is angled beside me in what feels like a protective stance. His position all but shouts that no one can talk to me or go near me without going through him first.

I stifle a yawn and Cal turns from glaring out at any onlookers to look at me.

"Go to sleep," he instructs. He returns his gaze in the opposite direction.

I doubt there is any possibility that I will be able to fall asleep, but I let my eyes close and lean my head against the window. The bus hits a pothole and I cringe when my head bounces against the glass.

Cal looks back at me and sighs. "Come here," he mumbles while reaching an arm around my shoulders and pulling me against him.

Once my head is nestled against his side, he moves his arm from its position around my shoulders and repositions me so that I'm leaning into his arm. I miss the contact of his strong arm around me, but then he finds a place on my upper thigh to rest his palm.

The warmth of his hand works its way through my jeans and sends tingles running through me. He runs it further up my leg and drums his fingers a few times before once again going still.

I snuggle a little closer into his arm, and his cheek rests against the top of my head. His thumb begins to stroke back and forth against my thigh in a soothing motion. "Sleep," he says again.

This time, it feels possible.

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I wake some time later to Cal's fingers digging into my thigh. I shift uncomfortably, thinking he'll catch the hint and stop, but his grip only grows stronger.

His head is resting heavy against mine, clueing me in that he must be asleep. I don't want to wake him.

"Don't." He mumbles the word, almost incoherently, but his mouth is close to my ear so I hear it.

I wiggle my leg from side to side, hoping I can escape his grasp without waking him up, but it doesn't work.

"Don't,” he says again, and his voice sounds desperate. "Mom, please. Please." It sounds like he's begging now, and my heart breaks, knowing that he must be trapped in an unpleasant memory.

"Cal," I say his name softly and lay my hand on top of his. His head jerks up from where it was resting against mine, and he yanks his hand away, finally releasing the painful grip he had on my thigh.

"Cal, it's okay," I try to reassure him, reaching up to touch his cheek.

Big mistake.

"Don't touch me!" he snarls, and his arm shoots up. The back of his hand collides with my face.

The surprise, more than the pain, causes me to call out, and Cal's eyes snap open.

"Emy!" He sounds alarmed, and his eyes dart around, taking in our surroundings. "What's wrong?"

I gingerly run a hand over my sore face, checking to see if I have a nosebleed. "I think you were having a bad dream. I tried to wake you up..." I'm not sure how to explain the rest. ‘You hit me in the face’ might be too direct.

It turns out that I don't have to finish explaining. Cal manages to figure it out on his own. "Fuck, Em. Just... Fuck!" He reaches a hand toward me and cups my cheek. "Are you okay?"