Bpd is probably one of the worst mental health problems. I've been diagnosed with this disorder the last year, but I've suffering it since I was a little child.
I hate feeling empty, feeling everything but nothing at the same time. That constant fear of people abandoning you. I hate hating myself, thinking all the time I'm not enough. Suicidal and self harm is also on my mind almost every day. I already tried to committed suicide twice, but the second time I had this boy that made me want to be better. I still have him, but my insecurities are always telling me that he's with another person, he likes other girls, he's cheating on me. I'm afraid that he will hurt me. I'm always in a state of premonition with him and I don't know how to stop that. He did a few things that made my self steem go down but he apologised and I'm trying to forget. But how can I forget if that's killing me?
Should I stay with him? Should I leave him?
I don't know if it's my mind doing the leave people before they hurt you again and I fucking hate that.
I really want to disappear, I wish I was never born. I have to pretend that I'm happy, that I'm doing fine but I just to cry, I just want to die.
