Oh Brother (Completed)

All I Want

The last day of summer I had spent here ten years ago had been a over casted, dreary day in the middle of July. I distinctly remember that morning like it was yesterday. Sam and Nix had dragged me outside and down on to the beach so we could play in the wet sand. It was pouring, the rain falling in sheets, but the three of us still sat out in front of the water drawing in the sand.

"Look at mine!" Sam had cried, thrusting his giant stick into the sky in victory. Nix and I had both run over to find a horrible drawing of a fish. We'd laughed hard, but when we went to Nix's drawing, Sam got him back for it.

"You love her! You love her!" My annoying brother had teased, jumping around in circles as he pointed in my direction. It was a heart with my nickname, Fae, in the center and wings on either side. His best friend's taunting finally got to him and Nix had blushed furiously and messed up the damp sand with his shoe.

Being only eight, I had thought it was cute, silly even, that my big brother's best friend liked me. He was so much older in my eyes, so much wiser, though there was just barely a two year age gap.

As I stared down at my brothers and the Holts from the staircase, the memory scratched at the outer edges of my mind. Phoenix was sitting on top of Damien's outstretched legs, leaning forward as he tore the controller from Buck and started slamming his fingers into the buttons. Damien, who looked beyond uncomfortable, was staring up the stairs at me. I'd been here for a half hour and he was the only one who noticed my entrance. His eyes were prompting me to join everyone in the living room, but I was comfortable where I was at, it gave me a great view of my possible future if I decided to take Hudson's mothers offer.

I could stay here in California with my brothers and try and make up for lost time. I could go to school with my twin and Hudson, and. . . and Damien. It was as if he had forgotten to include himself when he'd tried to support the decision the other night, as if he'd emitted himself out of the picture entirely.

"Hey, I didn't know you were up here." Phil's voice stirred me out of my daydreaming. I looked down to find my father on his left, both sipping at a cup of coffee. "Why don't you join the guys?"

I only smiled in response to the question. Phil touched a palm to our fathers back before he made his way up the stairs and fell on to the one beside me, nodding, "Okay, I get it now. You can see all the idiots from right here without having to talk to them."

I laughed, to which Phil glanced sideways and a smile of his own lit his face. Sometime within the next few minutes I leaned against his broad shoulder, and he rested his own head against mine, sighing. These were the moments I'd so desperately craved for the last ten years, to be close to my brothers, to have the same bond we'd had years ago. And as I sat there on the stairs, my oldest brother at my side, I realized that maybe staying here wouldn't be so bad.

*

"Hey, stranger." I said, touching my hand to the doorframe as I nudged Phoenix's door open with my foot. He set his sketchpad aside and looked to me, his smile immediately faltering.

"Yikes, I don't like that look." He scooted a little to his left and patted the spot beside him. "What's wrong, Fae."

I shot a quick look over my shoulder before stepping into the room and pressing the door shut behind me. Once I'd sat at the edge of the bed, I could feel tears springing to my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Nix." I whispered, forcing myself to look toward him.

His jaw clenched a little but his expression was otherwise unreadable. "You're going to choose my brother."

"Not exactly." I dropped my hand to his fist. "I'm choosing myself right now, Nix. I still need to heal, to find exactly who I am and where I fit into this world."