Dead But Awake

Rufus kept his head down as he walked towards the hospital room he'd been at only hours before. That time felt like years ago now when really it'd only been that morning. He'd only know Mateo for a little less than a day but Rufus felt like he'd known him his whole life. But now Mateo was gone and Rufus was going to complete his final wish. His hand hovered over the doorknob for a moment, unsure if he should even go in. A part of Rufus felt as though he was intruding, sticking his nose in a place it didn't belong. He shoved those feelings away. Mateo had wanted to bring him back to the hospital and introduce him to his father so he mustn't have any problem with Rufus visiting his comatose father on his own. He hoped Mateo wasn't pissed off at him in the afterlife for this. Rufus didn't bother knocking as walked in the room, he hadn't expected anyone to be in there but a sleeping man. He was shocked to hear a deep raspy sounding voice speak up. "Who the hell are you?" The voice asked sounding clearly annoyed and surprised at the sudden unexpected visitor. Rufus's head snaps up and he's met with the sight of a man sitting up in a hospital bed very much awake. The man in the bed looks just like what Rufus imagined an older Mateo would look like. His caramel skin now slightly lighter from the lack of sun and streaks of gray flowed through his otherwise chocolatey brown hair. He looked like what Mateo should've grown into. A sting of pain pierced through Rufus's heart. If Mateo had just survived a couple more hours he could've had a proper goodbye with his father. "Well, are you just gonna stand there gawking kid?" Mr. Torrez asks, his voice becoming increasingly impatient. "Mr. Torrez!" Rufus finally manages to say. "I'll ask again, who are you? And how do you know my last name?" Mr. Torrez asks looking at Rufus quizzically. Rufus awkward clears his throat and wipes his suddenly sweaty palms on his shorts. "Um, my name is Rufus Emeterio. I'm a friend of your son, Mateo." He says, voice sounding uncharacteristically nervous. Rufus wants to admit that they were truly more than friends. That if they both had more time left in their lives he's sure they'd end up married. But he holds back. Mateo really should be the one to tell his dad that, so for now he'll settle for just being a friend. "I've never seen you with my boy before." Mr. Torrez says, not believing the story. "We actually just met today sir." Rufus admits. "You barely know my son and you think you can just waltz into my hospital room?! Where is Mateo? I wanna talk to him about this!" Mr. Torrez says angrily. Rufus bites down hard on his lip. The taste of copper dots his tongue. "I hate to be the one who has to tell you this." Rufus starts, his voice sounds strained. He feels tears pricking at his eyes again for what seems like the billionth time this day. "Tell me what?" Mr. Torrez asks, his voice now drained of anger and replaced with worry. "Mateo is dead." Rufus choked out. Despite his efforts, a few tears manage to wiggle their way out of his eyes. Rufus watches as Mr. Torrez's already paled brown skin turns another shade lighter. "When?" He asked shakily. "Just a few hours ago. The broken stove in your apartment caught fire. I-I tried to save him but it was too late." Rufus said sadly recalling the memory. Mateo's father buried his face in his hands. Rufus can hear the broken sounding sighs escaping the man. "We visited you earlier." Rufus said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "How much earlier?" Mr. Torrez said, not removing his hands from his face. "We got to the hospital around 4:30 am and left by about 5:00 am." Rufus informed. "If I'd just woken up from that damn coma a couple hours sooner. No, a couple days sooner! I needed more time with him." Mr. Torrez sobbed. "Mateo talked about you a lot." Rufus said, trying to break the tension that hung thick in the room. "You said you left. Where did you go?" Mr. Torrez said, finally looking up at Rufus again. "We went to so many places and saw so many things!" Rufus said with slight joy in his voice as he remembers. He happily recounted the events of the day for Mateo's father in hopes to provide some bittersweet comfort. Comfort that at least for one day his son got to live. Mr. Torrez let out a watery chuckle. "That doesn't sound like the Mateo I know at all." He said almost not believing the strange boy. "Well, I kinda pushed him into a lot of it." Rufus said, scratching the back of his head as the ghost of a smile dusts his lips. "I'm thankful you did Rufus. Mateo is too shy and anxious for his own good. It's a wonder he even broke out enough to make a friend like you in the first place." Mr. Torrez said, finally using Rufus's name. Rufus notes how Mr. Torrez still refers to his son in present tense. He felt comforted in hearing Mateo as an "is" and not a "was". "I took some pictures. If you wanna see them." Rufus said. He prematurely pulled out his phone predicting the older man's answer. "Of course." Mr. Torrez said eagerly. Rufus pulled up his Instagram account and began scrolling through the little cluster of posts from his time with Mateo. The two men can't help but smile as Rufus once again tells the tale of their day together. "Thank you Rufus." Mr. Torrez says as he wipes a stray tear away. "Honestly it was my pleasure really. Oh I almost forgot, Mateo left something on your nightstand there!" Rufus said suddenly. He pointed to a folded paper on the table. Mr. Torrez reached for it slowly. He treated the paper as if it was made of glass. Like if he was too rough with it it would disappear forever. He unfolded the paper slowly and a strangled sound escaped his throat. Rufus couldn't help but look at the paper himself. It's a picture of young Mateo and his father with a cake themed after Toy Story. Little Mateo's bright smile burns into Rufus's mind. That beautiful smile he misses so much. Rufus and Mr. Torrez just stare at the photo in silence for a few long moments. Their eyes lingering on the young boy, young and hopeful, unaware his life was to be cut short. Too short. Mr. Torrez flips the photo over and that same strangled noise erupts from him. A little note is written on the back of the photo. It's only a small blurb but Mr. Torrez treasures it anyways. Rufus reads the note over and over again. He imagines Mateo's voice saying it. He imagines Mateo standing next to him saying the words to his father himself. The way it should be. Suddenly the room feels far too small. The air feels sucked out of Rufus's lungs. He checks the time on his phone and sees that it's nearly 10:30 pm. Rufus let's out a heavy sigh. As much as he would like to stay longer and talk more with Mr. Torrez, he knows his time is limited. "I'm sorry but I have to go." Rufus says averting his eyes. "So soon?" Mr. Torrez asks. A part of the older man fears the thought of being alone now. "I'm sorry but I don't have much time left. I don't want you to have to see my end." Rufus says, hating himself for sounding so morbid. Mr. Torrez gives him a small sad nod. "I understand. Thank you for coming to see me Rufus. I'll never forget you." Mr. Torrez said sadly. "It was no problem." Rufus said with a shrug as he makes his way out. He pauses in the doorway, unsure of what's come over him. He chews on his lip. The metallic taste of blood still lingering. "I really did love your son sir." Rufus blurts out. A look of surprise takes over Mr. Torrez's face. Rufus leaves before the man is able to respond. He's afraid he won't like the reaction he gets and refuses to let that taint the happy memories he has. Rufus walks somberly down the hospital hallway, never looking back.