Jay and his wife Ericka ended up adopting a child when their first was only months old.
It wasn't at all planned. One of Ericka's friends, who used to be a junkie, came to her one day and asked if she'd be willing to help one of her friends out. That's when they were introduced to Toby.
Toby was 18 months old and in great need of a new family. His mother recognised that being in an environment with junkies wasn't good for him, so she was looking for someone who'd want him, as she didn't want him going into care like she had.
Of course Jay and Ericka accepted to take him in, and started the proceedures to adopt him. He was quiet, but loved to laugh and had big curly brown hair like Jay, with brown eyes. He was a pleasure to have as a child.
A couple months down the line, however, they began to notice that something wasn't quite right with him. Sometimes he'd seem absent, or as if he was staring into space. One day, Ericka caught him having a seizure and called an ambulance. It was then that he was diagnosed with epilepsy.
It was devastating news, but Ericka was very pragmatic about it and immediately went into mother mode, finding out what they could do about it and how to rearrange life at home.
"It's not that bad Jay, he can still live a normal life," Ericka reassured. "In any case, he has us. We'll make sure that he has the best life he can have."
Jay smiled. "Yeah, you're right. I'm glad I married you."
Toby started some medication that helped a little, and Ericka did some research on some alternative methods to help him further. They agreed that Ericka would stay at home with Toby and their daughter, Ella, so that everything could be taken care of while he worked. He thought about them all day while he was at work, often rushing home just so he could be with his family.
"Are you sure you don't mind not being able to work?" Jay asked his wife one day.
She shrugged. "It doesn't even matter to me anymore. All that matters is that the kids are happy and thriving."
Things continued like that for about two years. By then Ericka was pregnant with their second daughter, Harmony, and busy with Toby and his seizures. They could happen at any time, so he often wore a helmet so he wouldn't end up with a head injury like he had once. Despite this, he remained playful and generally happy.
"How are we gonna send him to school?" Jay wondered out loud.
"We won't. I think we should homeschool him."
"Are you sure? He needs to meet other children."
"I've thought of that, and there are other ways. He can go in like once a week or something, or do activities, but for right now, it's kind of risky."
"What about the other kids?"
"They can stay home with their brother too. I'm used to having them all here anyway."
So the trio were homeschooled so Ericka could keep an eye on Toby. He continued to have seizures, and medication wasn't always that effective for him. It was stressful to be the parents of a sick child, but Jay and Ericka found that it also brought them closer together.
"You know, I can't think of life without Toby," Jay said one night when they were in bed. "And imagine, we weren't even thinking of adopting."
"I know right. But I'm glad we did."
Jay kissed her. "We have the perfect family, don't we?"
"I think so. Why don't we go on a holiday together? The kids would love that."
"Good idea."
Despite the complications with Toby, they all went for a holiday by the coast. The kids absolutely loved it as they'd never been on a real holiday. While they were there, Ericka and Jay were able to relax enough to think of the next steps they wanted to take together.
Toby was now seven and things still weren't much better for him, but he took it all in his stride. He'd often lie on the sofa as his mum read his lessons out to him and he'd do all his schoolwork. From time to time he would go do activities and even spend half a day at school, but that was really the extent of his socialising.
His parents decided to consult a major specialist on epilepsy to see if there was anything else they could be doing. After many tests, they gave them shocking news.
"We have identified the part of the brain causing trouble and with your permission, we'd like to remove it."
"Wait, you mean major brain surgery?" Jay was in shock.
"Yes. It will help him, and probably eliminate the seizures completely."
It was a big decision to make. They took their time mulling it over, and even asked Toby about it. In the end, it was decided to go ahead.
"Everything will be fine Jay," Ericka reassured. "Just like it always has been. Imagine how much more he can achieve if this goes right."
Jay nodded and gripped her hand tighter. "You always know what to say."
"And you're always supportive." She smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.
The surgery went well and Toby stayed in the hospital for several weeks before going home. Ericka kept an eye on him to see what would happen now. A month or two passed by and he seemed fine, so it felt alright to release a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding. He was better now.
Him being better opened up new possibilities.
"Should we send the kids to school?" Ericka asked Jay. "I want your opinion."
Jay shrugged. "It's up to you. They seem fine at home, but I suppose they'd be fine at school too. Do you want to work again?"
Ericka thought about it. She hadn't thought about herself in several years.
"I don't know. I'm not used to having a life outside of them."
Jay smiled and put his arm around her. "This is your chance now. The kids will be fine."
It was decided to send the kids to school, especially since Toby was so shy with others. They were sent to an alternative school where learning was less structured and executed differently so the children would thrive. In the meantime, with Jay's encouragement, Ericka decided to find what she liked doing and settled on becoming a life coach and motivational speaker. Her experiences made her able to talk about a lot.
In the end, having a sick child had only made Jay and Ericka stronger.
"You know, I'd do it all again with you." Ericka smiled.
"So would I."
Jay put his arm around her and kissed her as they watched their children play in the park.
