Bittersweet (Jay ff)

Chapter 2

[6 days before the farewell party]

I wore my pleasingly pressed white pleated shirt and straight pants along with some accessories to complete the look. Something about those crease-free clothes does something to me. The satisfaction! It's kinda ironic because I don't iron my clothes that often. Yet I'm putting all this effort into what? Just to break in the news that I'm resigning? Or... Nope. No way.

But something kept bugging me since yesterday. I just can't shrug away that face Jay made. Why he gotta act like that when I don't have much time left? He should have acted like this when I first joined the company. I would have jumped right into his arms. But thank God it didn't happen that way, maybe would have in the alternative world. If it did happen in this world, I would have ended up with a jerk like I always do. When I think they were cinnamon rolls, they were not. And when I think they're fuck boys, they would be a cinnamon roll.

And I'm glad I'm 10000% right this time.

Whatever this man does, always makes my mood a hundred times worse. Whether it's treating me like shit or treating me like a human. He always leaves me amazed.

In a bad way.

I would love to see his face when I'll announce my resignation. Is he gonna look sad? Or is he gonna look relaxed? Or both? Is that even possible? But then again it's Jay Park.

I checked my hair, outfit, earring, and every small thing again and again.

Am I anxious?

No, why would I be? It's just 3 cups of coffee I drank in the morning. I just need to act normal and then give the letter and announce it to my team! I need to act normal! Yes! Just act normal.

Normal?

What's the definition of normal? How normal a person can be? Am I not normal enough?

I shrug my thoughts away and grabbed the keys and rushed to break the news.

•°•°•°•°•°•°

"YOU ARE WHAT?!?" Ari bursts as soon as she hears the news making everyone in the room flinch.

"Resigning." I answered but it had uncertainty in it rather than assurance.

"That wasn't what I meant! I mean why? Did you get a better job? Did you win the lottery? Or... YOU FOUND A NEW BESTIE?!" she raged.

Ari was the first person who came up to me and introduced me to others. If she wouldn't have been there, then I would have been a complete outcast.

"Oh no! Nothing like that. I just feel like I don't fit in here. I don't think I'm doing what I love." I smiled at her to calm her down. It's not much but if I was standing close to her then she would have grabbed and shaken me until I would tell her the truth. I should tell her the truth before she hears it from someone else. But I'm too scared. I'm too scared of confrontations.

Coward.

Shut up.

But you are a coward.

Shut. Up.

"Bullshit." A voice said alarming everyone in the room. "Load of bullshit."

Everyone turns their head in his direction except me. I don't even need to look who it was. The voice sounded so gentle, so soft. I hate it. I hate how affirming his voice is. I hate how appealing his voice is. I hate how find myself listening to him talk. I hate how I feel all fuzzy and shit.

"What do you mean Mr. Park?" I questioned with a monotone.

"You love doing this. You always come up with creative ideas. Someone who doesn't love their occupation does their work half-heartedly. On the other hand you," he paused. "You do it gracefully." All I can see on his face was concern. It was written all over his face. In fact, one can sense his presence when he's upset or angry, or happy, which is kinda rare. Never saw him smile.

"Well, that has nothing to do with you." I somehow manage to keep my voice stern. Does he observe me too? But he always ignored me. I do love this job. I struggled so much just to be an employee of this company. But I guess my happiness couldn't last long.

He takes a deep breath and walks up to me. I got a bit nervous when I realized he was actually walking up to me. Not just passing by me.

"Can we talk?"

"I don't see a reason why you want to talk to me about something other than work." I looked away from him. I wanted to stare right into his eyes while saying that but I'm too scared to do anything bold.

Coward. Don't argue this time.

He sighed. "Can't we just talk for a moment?" He tries to make eye contact. I avoid it.

"We just did. A moment ago." Still not looking at him.

"At least look at me while I'm talking?" He pleaded, I can feel his eyes on the side of my head. It felt like daggers.

His hand reaches mine but stops midway. He hesitates. His hand never reached mine.

"Fine I'll leave you for now but I need my answer." With that, he went back to his work.

His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.
His hand never reached mine.

Replayed in my head all day. What is he afraid of? Why has he been like that since the beginning? Does he really hate me or just want to play with my feelings?

ARGH!

I so fucking hate you Jay for making me feel this way!