Hello Carson

Chapter 2

"See you later Carson!" Mandy, my manager called once my shift had ended. I waved and walked out, walking to the bus stop. It wasn't a very long bus ride and the bus left me at about a 2 minute walk from my house. I finally arrived at around 10pm, finding a note on the counter from Sarah saying that her phone had died but that she was heading home. I threw the note away and texted her to make sure she got home okay. I sighed as I sat down on the couch, taking in the silence. It got really lonely at times. I walked to the bathroom to shower and freshen up, my thoughts consuming me. Today was a good day. I smiled at that. I hadn't broken down at all. I put on my favorite pajamas which used to be my moms. For a long time it smelled like her, but her scent had disappeared and had been replaced with mine. I threw my hair into a messy bun and laid down after turning off my lights. This was the worst part of the day. The darkness and my thoughts consuming my mind. I still blame myself for her death. It was my fault. I also blamed the idiot that thought it would be cool to drink and drive. He's been in jail for 3 years now, and I hope one day he can find it in him to forgive himself and I hope I can forgive him. He killed my mother and his girlfriend. I imagine his thoughts consume him as well. When my mom died I went off the deep end for a while. I broke up with my boyfriend Josh and I stopped doing all the things I loved. I always see Josh in the hallway and I can tell he's a bit uncomfortable. I think he thinks I hate him because he's moved on and didn't wait for me to get better. I don't blame him though, why would he wait for something that can't be fixed? I'm not the same, but I'm okay with that. Soon enough my eyes start to feel heavy and I drift into a deep abyss of sleep.

••

"Mommy, can we go get pizza?" I pull her sleeve trying to get her attention.

"It's late sweetie, maybe tomorrow." My mom waves me off, continuing watching her TV show.

"Please mom! I'm sooooo hungry! Pleeeaaasseee!"

"Fine we can go, go put on your shoes and jacket." She finally caves

"Do you have your seatbelt on?" My mom says putting on her own

"Of course!" I tug on my seat belt to show her. She nods her head and pulls out of the driveway

Screech

Breaks slamming

Screams

My mom's arm swinging in front of me to keep me in place

Darkness

••

I wake up with tears streaming down my face, my hair matted to my forehead. I look at my bedside table which reads 3am. I cry even harder when I see her picture on my bedside table. I flip on my lights and open my locket and stare at the pictures. I wish I could go back and change that night. I called the person that I knew would make me feel better.

"Ryan?" I sniffle into the phone. Although Sarah is also one of my closest friends, I am closer to Ryan.

"Are you okay Carson?" He asks, worry laced in his voice.

"It was the dream. The same one." I hadn't had this dream in a while, but when the accident first happened it was on a constant loop.

"I'll be there soon." Ryan hung up the phone and I have never been more thankful for having best friends that live 7 minutes away. I shuffled to the living room, checking the driveway to see if Jenna was home. She wasn't. Soon enough Ryan pulled into the driveway. I probably wouldn't have let him come over if it was a weeknight since he needs his sleep too, but since it was Friday, well now technically Saturday, I didn't feel as bad about it. I opened the door for him before he could knock and he engulfed me in a hug.