HEAL YOU | JENLISA

TWELVE

JENNIE

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“HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, JENNIE?” JENNIFER ANISTON ASKS. TODAY, she’s wearing a loose dress with Aztec designs and leather sandals that loop around her big toes and ankles.

The usual answer slips from my lips. “The same.” But then I hesitate. “Well, not entirely.” A lot has happened in the weeks since our last appointment.

Her eyes spark with interest. “How so?”

“My boyfriend decided he wanted to have an open relationship.”

She opens her mouth to reply, but it takes a second before she actually speaks. “There’s a lot to unpack there.”

“Yeah.” I smile awkwardly and look down at my hands, which are clasped together in my lap as usual.

“How do you feel about it?” she asks.

I hesitate to answer, examining her face as I try to determine what her opinion is on the matter.

“How do you feel, Jennie,” she says softly. “Not me. What I think isn’t important.”

I push a long breath out through my mouth. “You say that, but you’re not a stranger I’m meeting for a one-night stand. You’re someone I’ll be seeing on a regular basis for the foreseeable future. If you don’t like me, that makes things difficult for me.”

“Well, I do like you,” she says with a kind yet amused smile, “and I have no interest in judging you, only helping you. So tell me what happened. Are you in an open relationship now? Since you mentioned it, do you want to tell me if you had a one-night stand?”

“We are in an open relationship now,” I say. “I’m certain he’s seeing other people.”

The corners of her mouth droop downward, and her eyes darken with understanding. “That’s got to be hard to accept.”

“It was. I cried when I found out. But then I immediately arranged to have a one-night stand with someone from a dating app.” I sit straighter, trying to make myself look bold and indifferent, but my muscles tighten as I brace myself for her condemnation.

“I might have done the same thing, in your shoes,” she says. “How did it go?”

At her casual acceptance of my attempt at revenge sex, my stomach muscles loosen a notch. Still, I struggle to describe my time with Lisa. She’s been on my mind nonstop, what we did—and didn’t do—and I’ve been restless and extra absentminded all week. This morning, I forgot I’d left my contacts in last night, and I stuck in another pair. I thought I was going blind for an entire hour before I realized what I’d done.

“It wasn’t a success,” I say finally. “We didn’t … you know.”

Jennifer gives me a commiserating look. “That happens. But that’s the nice thing about one-night stands. If they don’t go well, you just brush them off and keep on with your life.”

I nod in agreement. “That’s what I had in mind. I thought a lot about what you said last time about masking, people pleasing, and worrying too much about what others think. I hoped that I could use the time during a one-night stand to experiment.”

“That’s such an interesting approach. Did it work?” Jennifer asks.

“A little, but I was so nervous for most of the time that I couldn’t think clearly. And then in the end, it was just …” I shake my head. “People are—they’re so confusing. Sometimes, if I think about things long enough and hard enough, I can understand them. But other times, no matter how hard I try, it’s impossible.”