HEAL YOU | JENLISA

THIRTY-THREE

JENNIE

* * *

“WE HAVEN’T SET A DATE OR ANYTHING YET, BUT I THINK sooner is better than later so that the important people in our lives can attend. Isn’t that right, Jennie?” Jihyong says.

For an inappropriate length of time, all I can do is gaze at him and smile. That’s the only outward reaction that feels acceptable when everyone is watching me.

Inside, I’m melting down.

He said we’re getting married. How is that possible? He never even proposed. If he had, I would have said no. I don’t love him. Right now, I might hate him.

Words pile up in my mouth, demanding to be spoken. Things like No, you misunderstood or We’re never getting married, and I’m not sorry.

But I see my mom press her hands to her chest as happy tears track down her face. Priscilla wipes her own tears away as she excitedly bends close to our dad’s ear, no doubt telling him about my upcoming nuptials. Jihyong’s mom smiles at me like this is the happiest moment of her life.

And I can’t do it. Not in front of an audience.

Later, I tell myself. I’ll do it later. When it’s quiet, when there aren’t people all around, when I’ve had time, when I’ve caught my breath, when my head doesn’t feel like it’s exploding.

I find my voice, and I say, “Yes.”

Applause breaks out, loud whistling. Silverware clinks against glasses, and Jihyong smiles at me, looking like I’ve given him the moon. As he leans down to kiss me, my peripheral vision catches sight of a familiar face.

Lisa.

She’s here. She witnessed that. She looks like someone just tore her heart out.

Jihyong’s lips touch mine, and I freeze. I don’t kiss her back. I can’t.

What have I done?

She doesn’t seem to notice that I didn’t kiss him back as he pulls away and lifts his glass toward me.

“To us,” he says.

I clink my glass with his and tip my head back to drink. What else can I do now? I swallow even though the wine tastes like vinegar in my mouth.

When I’m done, my eyes immediately seek out Lisa. But she’s gone.

Pure, undiluted panic shoots through me. I can’t let her leave like this. I have to explain. I have to make her understand.

“I’ll be right back,” I say to Jihyong, and I hurry around to the front of the house.

I don’t see her on the front lawn or the driveway, so I run to the sidewalk. It’s starting to get dark out, but I see her. She’s there, walking fast, walking away from me.

“Lisa,” I call out as I chase after her.

Instead of turning around to face me, she walks faster. “I can’t do this right now, Jennie.”

“It’s not what you think.”

She keeps walking, so I run after her. When I grab her hand, she yanks her arm away from me like I’ve burned her, and it feels like a smack in the face.

“Lisa—”

She whips around abruptly. “I really can’t do this right now. I’m not—” She drags in a breath. Down at her sides, her hands curl into fists. “I’m not thinking straight. I don’t want to say things that—I don’t want to hurt you.”