As I run down the busy school halls I wonder what went wrong. Why is this happening!? I should have just said I was walking by? I haven't had this happen in so long. I hear a voice (probably jakes) telling me to stop running and calm down but I don't listen and disappear into the boys bathroom.
As soon as I enter I put my back against the wall in an attempt to prop my body up,ofcourse I failed and slowly slid downwards. My knees felt weak and faint "w-why is this...happening? " I say sounding out of breath. My throat was dry and tear welled up in my eyes Most of the time stuff like this happens it has some sort of trigger. I guess alot of the time its little reminders like lit candles,certain smells or stressful situations but usually I don't get too effected because of the way I 'deal' with it,like not telling people if I'm upset because for some reason isolating myself and ignoring my problems gives my a sense of ease and reassurance that I am not a lost cause and gives me a sence of control in my life. all of this has happened so fast that I didn't even know how things got this bad. I think it was somewhere between the fire,my dad becoming so busy he had no time for me and having to go to a new primary school while still having that same "shyness" I always had to deal with. I mean my dad never spoke to me about my mother or the fire or my issues I've always dealt with. in fact he avoided talking about it at all costs so I never never got a say in anything it just happened and the one time I tried to ask about mental health he told me i was being shy and i needed to just deal with it. A whole argument broke out and he told me he raised soldiers not snowflakes. I don't really know how or why I became a bully. maybe to get attention from the adults or maybe I just wanted to fit in with the other kids. To have similar interests.
After a while of taking deep breaths and praying no one walks in I hear the bell ring and realise I need to go to 6th period. I pick myself up from the floor deciding I feel well enough to go to class. Its not like I have a choice anyway. I get up and look at my self in the mirror,I look a mess,I always look a mess I really don't know how anyone can bare being seen with me. I try flatten my hair and splash my face with cold water. My eyes are still abit red but it will have to do. I don't wanna be any more late then I already am. I head to my English class and look around. As soon as I walked in I saw daisy looking at me,seeming quite concerned probably because of what happened earlier. I turn away awkwardly trying not to make eye contact. "Drew" Says the teacher sternly "You're late" He stares me down annoyed "I'm sorry sir I won't do it again" "This is the second time. If it happens again you will have to get a detention" I nod dismissively while making a mental note not to be late again.
I sit next to jake. his fluffy peach coloured hair and gentle eyes looking into mine instantly making me a bit giddy,then he slides me a note. I glance at it in curiosity
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As I scan his scruffy note I consider my response. bullshit lie or honest truth...
